Wedding Invitations

Countless island resorts and cruise lines are definitely making it easier for the couple wanting a destination wedding – many such places even have an in-house wedding coordinator to make everything all that much easier on the bride and groom. Many engaged couples today are opting for a simple getaway, or destination, wedding.   Some folks look at it as a way to combine wedding ceremony and honeymoon into one, while others feel that the intimate and relaxing atmosphere of a destination wedding is the ideal part. 

It’s not all simple, though.  A part of destination wedding planning that isn’t necessarily easier for the bride and groom is putting together the guest list.  Space for guests is typically very limited but at the same time, it’s all too easy to run the risk of offending friends or family by not sending them an invitation, even if they weren’t going to be able to attend.  Although destination wedding etiquette is a fairly new concept, your guests will surely appreciate any efforts, large or small, that you might make towards their comfort and enjoyment.

Definitely keep in mind that things may get even more difficult for the bride and groom who want an extremely intimate wedding (that is, just the bride, the groom, the officiant, and the photographer to prove it happened).  After all, it’s an especially delicate etiquette dance to explain to friends and family who expect to be able to attend.

It’s June and that means wedding season for many people, but don’t forget that June also brings a great many wedding anniversary celebrations for couples all across the country. Whether it’s the couple’s first, fifteenth, or fiftieth wedding anniversary, they are reminded of a happy summer day in June when they were the bride and groom just starting out as newlyweds.

Sadly, not as many anniversaries are observed by those aside from the former bride and groom. Some mother-in-laws remember and send a card while other sisters or best friends offer to babysit the anniversary couple’s kids to pave the way for a special anniversary dinner. But it’s rare that a couple will receive happy anniversary wishes from others.

That’s a shame. Every anniversary deserves celebrating and while many wedding etiquette guides aren’t likely to demand that friends and family send anniversary greetings or congratulations to couples for the rest of their lives…it sure would be a nice thing to happen, wouldn’t it?

So if you’re preparing for your wedding and aren’t too caught up in the flurry and excitement of the upcoming nuptials, why not take a moment to think about those couples who are special to you and when might they be celebrating their wedding anniversary? Honoring a happily married couple’s anniversary is a lovely gesture. Again, it’s not required by wedding etiquette, but it definitely is a thoughtful thing to do.

The topic of money has always been one that people tread carefully around in discussions with friends and family. But when the discussions are about a wedding and who will be responsible for paying for certain aspects of the wedding events, it’s a topic that cannot be put off talking about for very long. The money topic must be faced.

According to wedding etiquette, the list of those financially responsible for wedding costs has already been worked up. Traditionally, etiquette says that the bride’s father pays for the wedding. The groom’s family and groom were asked to make their own contribution, generally things like their own wedding clothes, gifts to the groomsmen, the bride’s bouquet, and the rehearsal dinner.

Times have changed, however, and now even etiquette allows that the bride’s father can take a break from writing out checks to wedding vendors. Some fathers of the bride may still wish to give the wedding as their gift to their daughters, and of course etiquette does not demand they don’t do that, but no longer is it frowned upon for someone other than the bride’s father to pay for wedding things. Often today, you will see the bride and groom paying for their own wedding. Sometimes this is due to wanting full and total control over wedding planning, sometimes this is simply because they want to.

It is worth mentioning that if the bride’s parents (or even groom’s parents) are insisting upon making a financial contribution towards the wedding, it’s not a good idea to reject their offer outright. After all, keep in mind that it is their joy to see you get married and their pleasure to play a big part of your wedding.

It’s not unusual during wedding planning for brides to find their grooms aren’t terribly enthusiastic about much of the hard work involved. But even the busiest groom typically finds one part of the wedding planning process to be his favorite: the cake-tasting appointment at the bakery (or, better yet, multiple appointments at multiple bakeries!).

Wedding cakes have been a part of weddings for just about as long as brides, grooms, and even wedding etiquette. Did you know, for instance, that many hundreds of years ago, wedding guests each brought a small cake, which were stacked on the table in levels and layers. This wasn’t just potluck dessert: if the bride and groom were able to kiss over the top of the stack it was considered good luck.

Nowadays, it’s not unusual to find a second cake at a wedding reception: the groom’s cake. The groom’s cake can serve many purposes, from dessert at the rehearsal dinner, to an alternative choice to the wedding cake at a reception. It’s customary for the groom’s cake to be displayed next to the bride’s cake, and later cut and put into boxes for guests to take home. Legend says that single women are supposed to sleep with a slice under their pillow the same night they receive it — and if they do, they will dream of their future husband. Boxed slices of groom’s cake can also serve as wedding favors.

While wedding etiquette doesn’t specify who may cut the groom’s cake, you and your groom may decide to honor the groom’s cake as they do the wedding cake, and cut the first piece together.

“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.” It seems as if just about everyone has heard that old saying, but do you know the history behind it? Take a moment out of your busy wedding planning or etiquette researching to learn some more about this age-old bridal custom.

To begin with, you may not know this, but in the original saying, there’s a final line that often gets omitted here in the United States: “put a sixpence in her shoe.” While I was planning my own wedding, my grandmother sent me a sixpence and it’s a good thing she wasn’t there to see me open up the envelope because I honestly could not figure out why she was sending me loose change (and from another country, no less!). A little internet research quickly told me that custom says that a sixpence placed in the bride’s shoe on her wedding day is a wish for good fortune and prosperity for the newlyweds.

Similarly, the big four (old, new, borrowed, and blue) each symbolize other wishes for the newlyweds. Something old represents continuity, something new offers optimism for the future, something borrowed symbolizes borrowed happiness, and something blue stands for purity, love, and fidelity. All very welcome and worthy wishes for any bride and groom on their wedding day!

Some brides worry that they won’t be following wedding etiquette to the letter if they assemble the items themselves, but experts assure that the items need not be presented by the bride’s sister or mother or aunt in order to “count.”

Here is some advice wedding etiquette when giving a toast

So they asked you to give the wedding toast, what should you do? Here are some tips to make you and the bride and groom look good. Remember: you want this to be a truly memorable experience.

• Write down what you want to cover. You could do this on a 3×5 card. List the main points and a quick antidote to help you stay on subject. You want to remind yourself without reading the whole thing word for word. Think: cue cards.
• Practice and time your toast so you know how it sounds out loud. Be careful not to go on too long. Keep it to under 5 minutes - short and sweet.
• Don’t embarrass anyone - this is not the occasion to tell stories that will make anyone squirm. It’s not even a time to get a lot of laughs.
• Your toast is a contribution to the guests and the couple. Thank the hosts and the couple. Be gracious and keep the focus on them not you. It will make you look good.
• Make the bride shine. Turn on the charm and make her feel good. She’ll love you for it. Relate something kind about her and compliment how she looks. Point out something that is truly unique about her and/or her best qualities.

When you’re finished talking, raise your glass, smile, and lead the crowd in raising your glasses to the bride and groom. Make this a celebratory, poignant, or sweet moment that everyone will appreciate.

You’re done. Now you can enjoy the rest of the day knowing you made it more memorable for everyone.

Wedding Etiquette has some markedly different connotations when the bride and groom have “everything,” versus when the bride and groom are still building their financial future.

What do these matters have to do with Wedding Etiquette? Well, let’s just say that you two are the bride and groom and fit into the latter category. Can you, for example, ask for money in lieu of gifts?

Even though occasionally a bride and groom establish a money tree and ask their guests to contribute to it, it is still considered incorrect and in very poor taste to ask for money. It is presumptuous to show that you are expecting a gift in the first place.

Also, some guests would really like to give you a special gift to be remembered by. The best way to let people know that you would prefer money is to instruct parents that if they are talking with any of your guests ahead of time and asked about what you need or where you are registered, they can let them know that you prefer money to a gift.

A little over a year ago, I attended my second cousin’s wedding in Southern California.

While that joyous weekend represented a less than a two-hour flight for me, it was an expensive, Trans-Oceanic journey for several dozen relatives of the bride and groom’s family.

Time for some financial Wedding Etiquette touches.

Most of these people came from two European nations, and affluence wasn’t an asset shared by many of them.

So, I wondered how much each attendee who graced us with his or her presence had to dig in to their not-so-deep pockets and pay for the round-trip flight.

Obviously that’s not a question you ask at the wedding. Several months later, though, I managed to find out that since both nations are served by both a U.S. and a national flag carrier for the trip here, that the groom’s family worked with a travel agent to obtain a substantial flight discount for at least 50 of the attendees.

The discount was possible because the wedding was not held in peak travel season, and the airline had seats to spare. In terms of clout to get the deals done, a long business association between the travel agency and the airline helped as well.

To ensure that the deals were able to be completed in time for potential wedding attendees to make their plans, each attendee was alerted several months in advance with a “we’re trying to negotiate a great price for you” email or phone call. Having sufficient numbers sign on early helped the airlines feel better about the guarantee for this transaction.

There were, as I recall, a couple of elderly invitees who found the airfare difficult- even with the price negotiated downward. In this case, the groom’s parents picked up the airfare.