Wedding Invitations

Here are some of the questions we get about thank you notes:

Is it proper to have our return address printed on the back flap of our thank you notes?

The post office requires that a return address be present on any
outgoing mail. Having your return address printed on the back flap
certainly saves time from hand writing it and looks more professional
than hand writing it and certainly looks better that cheap labels.

How many thank you notes should I order?

Be sure to order enough, of course to cover all your gifts, but I
would definitely order more because there are many occasions in which
you will need a thank you note. Someone invites you to their house for
dinner, etc. Whenever something like thank you notes are personalized
you get hit with a pretty big charge for the first 25, it is
considerably less per item, the more you buy, so you are better off
overbuying on something like that if you know you can use them at a
later date.

You should order your "thank you" notes when you order your wedding invitations to save shipping costs and just to avoide the time an strain of have ing to do it later.

The term, “Informals” is actually an misnomer in that they are a
“formal” note – so much so that to keep it a “formal” note, only the
bride’s name is to be printed on the front (i.e.: Mrs. Stephen Sampson)
if the informal reads, “Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Sampson it makes it more
of an informal note.

The thinking here is that even though the note is
coming from both individuals, it is only being written by one person.
The thought continues that if the groom will be writing some of his own
thank you notes, that he should have is one stationery with just his
name on it. If you don’t mind coming across more casual, both names can
be included. Again, first names (i.e.: Stephen and Karen Sampson)
rather than “Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Sampson, makes it ultra informal.
So…I guess it really depends on how you want to come across and how
important is it to you to be proper and formal.

Over the next few days I will discuss some of the addtional inserts that some brides may need or want to include in their wedding assortment that is mailed out to their guest. These will certainly not be needed by everyone, but may one or more of the ones listed will be something might want to consider including with your wedding invitations.

First are your pew cards. Not everyone will need pew cards but they are used when specific
pew have been assigned for some or all of the guests. They help the
ushers efficiently guide the guests to the assigned seating area. The
pew cards are one on the enclosures sent with the and have
a space on the card which is filled in by hand with the appropriate pew.

A question we have heard on a number of occasions is:
"This is the second marriage for both of us and we really don’t need any gifts. How can we properly let our guests know that?"

There are two acceptable ways you can do this. You can indicate as
corner copy in the lower right-hand corner of your wedding invitation, “No gifts
please.” But the preferred way is to have a small enclosure card which
states: “Your presence is the only gift we request.”

Just realize
that even though you may not feel that gifts are necessary, many guests
may feel that they are and/or see it as an opportunity to share their
love with you. If you are older, they will not be giving you the same
type of gift that they would give a younger couple. Obviously you already have most if not all the start up items a young married couple would need. You may actually be
pleasantly surprised at their wedding gift. The decision has to be yours
however if you want to mention, “No gifts please.” in your wedding invitation.

Here is something that is often done improperly and is of poor wedding
etiquette. How do I let my guests know where I am registered?

It is in very poor taste to include a card inside your wedding invitations
announcing were you have registered. That is too much like asking for a gift.
The best way to get the word out is by word of mouth.

If you have set up a personal wedding website, you can let the word get out, by
sending out a separate email or word of mouth about the website and you can
have that information on the website along with all of your other pre-wedding
information.

The thing to do would be to email your guests after your wedding invitations
have gone out to let them know that you have put up a personal wedding website with
some neat pictures of your wedding party along with some fun stories about them
and how you and your groom met, etc.

For those who might be traveling a far distance who might need
accommodations, you can tell them that you have posted some good options they
might want to consider. You don’t have to mention that you have your registry
also posted there. They will find it when the go to the site. They actually
will be very pleased that it will be that easy for them to shop for your wedding gifts online
or at least see what you want without having to leave home. That way you can
get the job done without even bringing up the "gift" topic.

The next few days I want to discuss what is appropriate to be included in the body of your wedding invitations and what is not. Here is an example of a question we sometimes get: My fiancé and I are trying to save money for a down payment for a house. Can we ask for money in lieu of gifts?

Even though occasionally a bride and groom establish a money tree
and ask their guests to contribute to it, it is still considered
incorrect and in very poor taste to ask for money in the copy of your wedding invitation. It is presumptuous to show that you are expecting a gift in the first
place. Also, some guests would really like to give you a special gift
to be remembered by.

The best way to let people know that you would
prefer money is to instruct parents and some of your friends, expecially those in your wedding party, that if they are talking with any
of your guests who have received a wedding invitation from you, ahead of time and asked about what you need or where you
are registered, they can let them know that you prefer money to a gift. We will discuss more on this topic next time.

There are times when wedding ceremonies and receptions may not have
the same number of guests. Some couples, especially those in which the
brides getting married for the second time may have a small, intimate
wedding with primarily family and close friends and a larger reception
afterwards. In this case the wording on the wedding invitations and reception
cards are reversed. The larger invitation is used as the invitation for
the reception and the smaller card normally used for the reception
information is used as the ceremony card with the details of the
wedding.

Reception invitations always “request the pleasure of your company”
since the reception is not taking place in a house of worship. The term
“marriage reception” and “wedding reception” are both correct.

If your reception is to take place at your parent’s house and their
names are on the invitation, just enter their home address. Your guests
will be able to figure it out. If you are having your reception hosted
at a friend’s house, their name and address would be listed on the
reception card.

If your wedding ceremony is scheduled after six p.m. it is considered
formal. Some guests will be aware of that, but not all, so if you want
your reception to be “Black tie” you can indicate it on your reception
card in the lower right hand corner. It will appear in smaller type.

While not common, one question we sometimes hear is: "What if we are having our wedding reception a few weeks later, can we include the reception card with the wedding invitation?" To be correct, "No" they are separate events so should be mailed separately. More on this tomorrow.

Reception cards are not necessary if the wedding ceremony and the reception
are being held at the same place there is room at the bottom of your
invitation to put the pertinent information. If they are being held in
different locations, however, you will need a separate invitation to
that separate event and that is your reception card.

If you are having a morning wedding and your reception is before
one o’clock, the first line should read, “Breakfast” otherwise it
should read, “Reception.” If the reception is to follow the ceremony,
the next line should read, “Immediately following the ceremony.” If the
reception is not to occur two or more hours after the ceremony, then
the actual time should be indicated. If you are concerned about your
guests knowing that a meal is being served you can always preface the
word, “Reception” with “Luncheon” or “Dinner.”

The third line is the name of the location and the fourth line is
the actual address. The fourth line can be omitted if it is a facility
that is very well know and the address is not necessary or if direction
cards are being included that would already have the address. If the
wedding reception is being held in the same city, the city and state can be
omitted. If it is a different city, that should be included. If it is
in a different state, of course that needs to be included as well. It
never is wrong to include the city and state anyway if you like, but
the zip code is never included. More on wedding reception cards tomorrow.

The purpose of the wedding announcement is to let family and friends
who were not invited know that the wedding took place. They are
traditionally sent out by the parents the day after the wedding. They
can be sent out up to a year afterwards but the sooner of course, the
better. They follow the same format and are usually printed on the same
stock as the invitations but do not include the time or physical
address of the wedding, just the day, year and name of location (ie:
First Baptist Church, Rockville, Maryland). The announcement usually
begins with the parents names “have the honour of announcing” or “have
the honour to announce.”

Wedding announcements are usually sent with “At-Home Cards” which are
small enclosure cards on which their new address is given. These
at-home-cards are not expected. They are just a nice and easy way to
let people know your address. Wedding gifts are not expected upon
receipt of a wedding announcement as they are upon receiving a wedding
invitation.