Wedding Invitations

Attention grooms-to-be!  Have you been watching your bride working herself into an exhaustion on planning your wedding, thinking “I really should be helping her”?  That’s right, you should.  Although sometimes it certainly might seem as if a groom’s job is pretty much done once he’s proposed and the bride-to-be begins her wild ride known as planning a wedding, the truth is that the groom still has some very important roles to play in the wedding planning process. You shouldn’t be expecting to sit back and take a break just yet–there’s a few things to do first.

Let’s look at your to-do list.  One part of wedding planning that is very much the groom’s responsibility would be his wedding toast.  While it’s not a requirement, federal law, or even part of wedding etiquette that the groom make a toast at his own wedding reception, it’s a tradition in a great many regions, areas, and cultures for grooms to raise a glass and make a toast. Don’t be worried, it doesn’t have to be the most romantic or eloquent speech in the world.  Your bride will surely love your toast, as long as you follow a few all-important guidelines.  To begin with, sincerity is a vital part of a toast, as is brevity.  Also, be sure to thank your guests as well as both sets of parents and families, not to mention your bride.

Among the don’ts in making a wedding toast, the number one no-no would be to tell long, complicated, and extraordinarily embarrassing stories, particularly about your bride.  While such a toast might be a hit with your friends from college or high school, most everyone else (including your bride) will almost likely not like it.  Definitley keep in mind that wedding etiquette is not in place to make things harder for everyone, but rather to smooth the way for a pleasant and gracious time for all involved.

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Think grooms don’t get as much respect as brides?  You might be right.  Sometimes it might seem as if a groom’s job is pretty much done once he’s proposed and the bride-to-be begins her wild ride known as planning a wedding.  But the groom still has some very important roles to play in the wedding planning process, so prospective grooms, you shouldn’t be expecting to sit back and take a break just yet.

One item on the groom’s to-do list when planning a wedding is writing, preparing, and giving his wedding toast.  While it’s not a requirement, federal law, or even part of wedding etiquette that the groom make a toast at his own wedding reception, it’s a tradition in a great many regions, areas, and cultures for grooms to raise a glass and make a toast. 

Need a few easy guidelines to making a well-received groom’s toast?  These will help you not get you in trouble with your brand new wife.  To begin with, sincerity is a vital part of a toast, as is brevity.  Be sure also to thank your guests as well as both sets of parents and families, not to mention your bride.  Among the don’ts in making a wedding toast, the number one no-no would be to tell long, complicated, and extraordinarily embarrassing stories, particularly about your bride.  While such a toast might be a hit with your old fraternity brothers, most everyone else (including your bride) will almost likely not like it.  Just remember, etiquette is not in place to make things harder for everyone, but rather to smooth the way for a pleasant and gracious time for all involved.

So in the past we’ve discussed the wedding etiquette of breaking off an engagement or canceling a wedding from the bride and grooms standpoint. Today however we are discussing the wedding etiquette of how to respond to a cancelled wedding as a guest. 

Hopefully you’ve received the news of the cancelled wedding with enough time to cancel any reservations you may have.  Hopefully you were notified period. I always hear of horror stories where people weren’t notified at all.

How you respond to the cancellation notification will depend on how you received it.  For example, if it’s the bride herself notifying you via phone, chances are she doesn’t really want to go into the “why” details with every single person she calls. She’s already going to be emotional so it’s best to simply be a listening ear and avoid asking questions that will wind her up. If she wants to talk about that’s fine, just be careful not to add to the negativity of the situation (ie. gossip, bad mouth, or complain). Also just as important, be sure to thank her for letting you know.

If you received the message via a letter in the mail, be sure to respond so they know you got the message, otherwise they’ll be fretting over it. Last thing they want is unhappy quests who showed up. In this case simply write a card back, thanking them and sending your best wishes. Same rules apply as the phone call, don’t say anything negative.

Being late as a wedding guest is one thing but being late as the bride, groom or a wedding part member….Yikes. With all the chaos it happens quite often. At least if you’re a late guest, it won’t hold up the wedding. However, it will hold up the wedding if you’re part of the wedding, thus affecting everyone.

There’s almost always that one person who forgets something and has to run back to get it. I once knew of a bride who was so stressed and nervous, she actually forgot her wedding dress. Someone ran back to the house to retrieve it (which took an hour each direction). The guests were getting very restless and irritated. Some even left for various reasons. They either had somewhere else to be or the kids were getting hungry, cranky and wild.    

The tips for being on time for the bride, groom and wedding party are very much the same as for guests. Here they are:
• First and foremost, plan ahead.
• Make a checklist of every item needed and everything you need to do. Follow that list as if your life depended on it. Do not rely on memory.
• Have everything ready to go for the next day. Have clothes laid out, make up and hair stuff in one spot, etc.
• Leave early.
• Check the weather forecast the day before to plan ahead for weather that could slow you down.  
• Check the traffic report before leaving and take the path of least resistance.
• Know where you’re going ahead of time. 

Thank you for joining us in our wedding etiquette blog this week. Have a great weekend.

History is full of traditions and superstition that we often wonder “where did that come from?” and “why on earth do we believe in it now?”

I’m sure at some point in our life most of us have all heard “it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding”.  Now days most people take the expression light heartedly, but there are still a few people who believe in it so strongly, that they’ll even attach a made up story with it to scare us into thinking we must follow it or all will be doomed.

Rumor has it that this came from a historical tradition that believed the wedding ceremony marked a new beginning. It was where old left off and new began. To combine (overlap) the two would be certain bad luck. I can see where that line of thinking would come from. That’s actually a good to live by. Too often we drag our past into the present which holds us back from succeeding in certain areas of our lives.

If the groom saw the bride just prior to the wedding she would not be considered new or pure, even if nothing happened between the two. But not only was it bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding, it was just as bad for the bride to see her reflection in the mirror as people felt she would leave a part of herself behind in it. 

Remember your good wedding etiquette if you run into someone who believes in this.

As a wedding party planning bachelor and bachelorette activities, dress the bride or groom in a way that distinguishes her or him from the rest of the wedding party and other guests. Something as simple as a headband with white fabric attached to represent a wedding veil for the bride, or a “groom” sign hung around the neck of the groom, will make her or him feel embarrassed and the center of attention. (Even a baseball cap emblazoned with “bride” or “groom” will do!)

A scavenger hunt is a great activity. Have the bride or groom pose for pictures with members of the opposite sex that you encounter throughout the evening. The bride or groom can be required to collect naughty things from these folks such as an article of clothing, a kiss on the cheek, or an autograph.

Bring an instant camera with you on your night out to record the highlights of your evening. Later on, write captions on the pictures to chronicle the activities, and put them in a small album for the bride or groom as a momento.

A disposable camera will also do; just be sure to take it to a one-hour photo processing service so you’ll get your pictures back quickly.

Your groom should plan a guys’ day of golf, touch football, sports bar outing, or some other activity to do together with his groomsmen before the wedding, so they can have a chance to bond and hang out apart from the actual wedding ceremony. This is especially important even though the groom obviously already is well acquainted with his choices for groomsmen. It’ll help him to relax a bit and to get some physical exercise to help get his mind off any stress he might have otherwise been feeling.