Wedding Invitations

I ran across a wedding etiquette FAQ that may hit home for some of you. The wedding etiquette pro responding to these questions had a very good point that I wanted to share.

In this particular situation, it was the step mother writing in. Her step daughter is getting married in a couple months and has invited her biological father (the husband of the questioner) and mother but does not want them to bring their current spouses (the step parents). She does however want her biological dad to walk her down the aisle.

Because her step mother was not invited, her father declined the invitation to not only walk his daughter down the isle but attend period. He will only attend the wedding if his current wife is invited to come with him. Having your father walk you down the isle can be a very big deal for some people, so this could have some huge consequences.

Should he go to the wedding alone or stick to his principles? Should he be the bigger person or should the bride?

While some people would consider it horrible of the dad not to attend his own daughters wedding, it’s equally as horrible for his daughter to exclude his wife. It’s not necessarily a matter of who the biggest person is. Instead the bride should look at her father’s example of demonstrating what it means to be married.

You can see the original article at http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/columnists/advice/chi-0213askamyfeb13,1,3127615.column

Another popular wedding etiquette frequently asked question is whether the engaged couple should include “and guest” on the wedding invitation. For example, you may have seen an invite say “we invite you and a guest”. Or it may simply say, “we invite you to join us in our celebration…” and make no mention of a guest.

If the invitation does not say “and quest”, it means one of two things.

#1. They really intend for you not to bring a guest (for various reasons).

#2. They simply forgot to include it on the invitations and assume you’ll bring one. If you’re not sure if the couple forgot to include it or they truly intend you not to bring a guest, feel free to ask. As the invited, it is better not to assume they meant bring a guest. If in doubt, ask.

It can actually be considered rude to bring unexpected guests. If you think it’s rude the couple doesn’t want you to bring a guest, consider these few reasons and you may change your mind.

• The couple may want to keep it small and intimate with only people whom they know.
• Or perhaps their budget can only afford a small number of people. If you bring and uninvited guest they may have to pay extra for that person.

I hope this helps.

One of the frequently asked questions of wedding etiquette is, “do I really have to RSVP?”

Many people with their busy lives sometimes don’t notice the “RSVP” written on their invite, or they see it but don’t think it’s really necessary to RSVP. I can tell you folks, if it’s on there, it’s on there for a reason. It can cause some serious headaches for the wedding planner, bride or groom if you don’t RSVP. Let me explain…

They often need to plan for the number of chairs and tables to set up, how much food to provide, how many plates will be needed, etc. If people show up unexpected, there may not be enough of anything for everyone. You also need to consider that the newlyweds are often working with a budget. If they are paying for a certain number of plates of food with a reception hall or catering service, it throws a kink in the budget when unexpected people show up.
Many reception halls and caterers even require numbers by a certain date to assure they are prepared and it’s not total chaos when the day comes.

So yes, good wedding etiquette would be to RSVP. Even if you can’t come, let the couple know so they know you received the invite know not to expect you.

If there is no RSVP on the invitation it wouldn’t hurt to let the engaged couple know either way as well.

While wedding anniversaries are observed every year, major
celebrations in which there are receptions, are usually reserved for
25th, 40th, and 50th anniversaries. Usually silver ink is used for the
25th, Red for 40th and gold for 50th.

The invitations are usually
extended by the couple’s children and their spouses, but might be
hosted by friends, other relatives or even by themselves. The year
being celebrated is usually shown at the top. Usually a note either in
the lower right hand corner or as a separate card states “No gifts
please,” or “Your presence is the only gift we request.”

A different situation may be the planning of a church ceremony when you have already been married in a civil ceremony. This is how you would word such an invitation: You would mention your married names (Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Andrew
Sampson) request the honour of your presence…”to solemnize our
marriage.” (To solemnize means to make right before God.)

We are constantly being asked for ways to save money and
still send out quality wedding invitations. Affordable wedding invitations are
definitely possible and can still be very elegant. Unique wedding invitations
might be more expensive, but that really depends on how you define unique.

One way to save money is to buy wedding invitations that have been printed with
thermography, which is the raised lettering rather than engraved. Most people
can’t tell the difference and the engraved are much more expensive. The raised
lettering style exudes elegance but really is not that expensive to produce and
looks so much more elegant than the flat printed invitation.

If your reception is in the same location as the wedding, you don’t need to
invest in reception cards. A line after the city and state can read, “and
afterwards at the reception,” or “reception immediately following ceremony.”

Another way to save is to print out your own directions on a nice piece of
parchment, linen, vellum, card stock, whatever will compliment the style of
your wedding invitation. You will save some if you use black lettering rather
than a color as any color other than black will cost you more per item (i.e.
the extra will be charged for the invitation, another for the reception cards, and
another for the response cards, etc. It’s not a lot, but it can add up with all
the different pieces

My father is a judge. Should he use “The Honorable” in my wedding invitation?

“The Honorable” is always used when addressing a judge. However it
would appear presumptuous for him to bestow that title upon himself.
When issuing the invitation, he should use “Judge” as his title.

My mother is a judge and my father is not, how should their names read in my wedding invitation?

Just like the examples above, the most socially proper would be for
her name to appear as “Mrs.” but if she wants to use her professional
title, her name would appear on the first line preceded by “Judge.” The
second line would read, “and Mr. Stephen Andrew Sampson.” Again, the
word “and” communicates that they are married.

How should my parents names read on my wedding invitation? My father is a minister.

The invitation line should read. “The Reverend and Mrs. Stephen
Andrew Sampson.” If he also holds a doctorate degree, it could read
“The Reverend Doctor Stephen Andrew Sampson.” Neither should be
abbreviated. If the line is too long, it can be split to read, “The
Reverend Doctor/and Mrs. Stephen Andrew Sampson.”

How should my parents names read? My mother is a minister but my father is not.

Again, traditionally is is most proper if she uses her social title
as “Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Andrew Sampson.” However if she chooses to use
her theological title in your wedding invitations, the first line would read, The Reverend Mary
Jane Sampson.” Your father’s name would be given on the second line
which would read, “and Mr. Stephen Andrew Sampson.”

My fiancé is a lawyer. May he use esquire?

“Esquire” is a title to designate status and it is an honor that is
bestowed on him by others addressing him, but would be presumptuous to
put that designation upon himself in a formal wedding invitation. It just would
not be proper. It is not recognized as proper on a social invitation.

Everyone knows my fiancé by his nickname rather than is real name. Can we add his nickname in parentheses?

Not if you want your wedding invitations to be done properly. His name should read as it is on his birth certificate. We have done this on occasion at a bride’s request, but it really is not proper. Everyone will understand the formality expected of a formal wedding invitation. Surely they will know who the groom is by his last name and your name.

One way to alert family and friends to your new address is to include
at-home cards with your wedding invitation or announcement. Some couples also
include their new phone number if they know what that will be. Include
the date that you will be returning from your honey moon.

They will be
worded a bit differently if included in a wedding announcement than if
included with an invitation since you will be married in one and not
yet in the other. The card that is used for this information is the same card that is used for the reception and response information and priced the same as the reception card.