Wedding Invitations

All you need for a wedding is a bride and a groom, right? Wrong! In order to make it official, not to mention legal, an officiant – be that judge, minister, or other public official – is needed to seal the deal, officially! It’s too easy, we know, to overlook the officiant, so we thought we’d take a few moments to take a quick overview of All Things Officiant at a wedding.

Obviously, if you have already chosen a church setting for your wedding ceremony, you’re most likely going to have the church’s minister as the officiant. It’s possible, though, to bring in another minister – perhaps the family’s long-time minister who baptized your husband? – to perform the ceremony. Do remember, however, that it’s good wedding etiquette to check with the church first to be sure they are okay with an outside officiant taking part. Also remember that if the officiant comes from out-of-state, there may be extra steps involved to ensure the marriage is legal.

One thing that many brides are confused over regarding their officiants is whether or not to send the officiant an invitation. While many officiants do not expect to receive an invitation, it’s a nice thing to do (and smart wedding etiquette) to invite your officiant. Of course, if your brother, grandparent, or best friend is performing the ceremony, you’re almost certainly already sending your officiant an invitation!

Should we return the wedding gifts if the marriage ends in less than a year?

This is a very good question with many considerations. As I was doing online research I came across this frequently asked question, surprisingly many times, along with numerous stories of newlyweds splitting up within months of the wedding. It’s shocking how common it is but it’s an unfortunate reality. Hopefully you or someone you know will never have to face this dilemma.

I can only imagine as a newlywed in the situation, there would be a sense of embarrassment or perhaps even shame. On top of that, you now have the dilemma of what to do with the gifts. You feel guilty keeping them, but then you feel guilty returning them or getting rid of them in some other fashion. Perhaps you’d feel even obligated to do one or the other, but then you’re worried about offending them.

It turns out most wedding etiquette experts advise to keep the gifts and split them between the two newlyweds. Why? Well…

Put yourself in the gift givers shoes, what would you want the newlyweds to do with your gift?

Some friends and family would be hurt if you returned or discarded the gift they put time, effort, money and thought into. It would be like a slap in the face to them.

There’s also the possibility the couple may resolve their issues and get back together. If they’ve returned or discarded the gifts, then they’re out of luck.

If still in doubt and you don’t care if people know, you’re splitting up…ask the gift giver what they would prefer (assuming you’ve got that kind of relationship with them).