Wedding Invitations

I have a confession.  Every Sunday, I have a habit of reading the wedding and engagement announcements in the newspaper — I can’t help myself! It’s so nice to look at the couples’ photos and read about them and how happily they are anticipating their future together. Some days there’s not a lot of happy things in the newspaper; it’s such days that the happy wedding and engagement announcements are extra appreciated, I suspect!

Those of you who are planning your wedding and looking forward to seeing your own engagement or wedding announcement in the newspaper may be unsure of either the process or wedding etiquette of the announcements. First off, contact your local newspaper to find out their guidelines for submitting announcements for publication; no matter how large or small the newspaper, they almost certainly have someone on staff whose job it is to help the new brides get their announcement printed.

Some newspapers will print your announcement and photo for free, while others will ask for a fee depending upon the length of the announcement itself and possibly the size of the photo. Some newspapers have a strict policy of not printing announcements until after the wedding has taken place. It is because of this wide variety of policies among newspapers that the best place to begin is to call the newspaper to talk to the person in charge of announcements.

One thing’s for sure:  no matter where you stand on wedding etiquette, whether you write your own announcement, fill in a form with the pertinent facts (names, wedding date and location, etc.), or something in between, be sure to buy extra copies of the newspaper the day your announcement is printed. It’s nice to have a clipping of the announcement as a keepsake…for you and later on for children and grandchildren.

Figure out a way to order up good weather on demand and you’re sure to be a millionaire overnight.  The weather on a couples’ wedding day is one of those issues that, try as hard as you might, just cannot be controlled.  While most brides dream of a beautiful, sunny day for their wedding day’s weather, the truth is that a rainy wedding day could actually be even more desirable.

As we all know, not every wedding takes place on a sunny Saturday afternoon in June.  There’s a great many weddings in other seasons and times of day.  I’ve been to snowy weddings, evening weddings, even an early-morning wedding (that one was very challenging to be on-time for).  The weather – good or bad – had practically zero negative effect on the weddings, ceremonies, or even the marriages. 

In case you’re wondering, etiquette doesn’t really have a position on wedding day weather.  However, a great many wedding planners would advise – especially for brides and grooms having an outdoor wedding – that a backup plan be in place in case of foul or even merely unpleasant wedding-day weather.

Don’t fret, though, if you wake up on your wedding day to a forecast full of showers.  There’s a superstition out there that says it’s good luck for the newlyweds to have a rainy wedding day.  Even better? Seeing a rainbow on your wedding day.  Remember, it’s hard to find rainbows without first having rain.

Recently, a list of top choices for a couple’s first dance at their wedding was released.  The list was put together by wedding DJs, who know a thing or two about wedding music trends.  As a couple’s first dance as newlyweds is an important and symbolic one, it’s no surprise that the list is filled with “classic” songs that will stand the test of time, ones that can be played at a couple’s 50^th anniversary celebration without fear of sounding dated or corny.

When considering wedding etiquette as part of selecting your first dance song at your wedding, it’s really just best to use good judgement.  If you or your groom’s family are traditional or serious, choosing a silly or potentially offensive song for this all-important moment at your wedding could be a serious error in etiquette.  While it’s true that the wedding is yours and is for you and your groom, it’s never a bad idea to take your family and guests’ comfort into consideration (which is really what is at the heart of good wedding etiquette).  

Some couples select a song that is important to them because it was playing when they got engaged, or when they met, or at another important milestone in their relationship.  Other couples enjoy continuing traditions and use a song that was played at their parents’ or grandparents’ weddings.  If you’d like to continue a family tradition in that way but already have your own song as a couple, perhaps you could have the family song played at another important moment at the wedding reception, like the cake-cutting or the father-daughter dance. 

For some people (including several that I know very well), shedding a tear or two or twenty-two at a wedding is a normal thing. These tears aren’t signs of major woe or regret, but are instead a natural byproduct of that happy little thrill of joy that we get from seeing a happy couple joined together in marriage. Some people don’t even need to personally know the newlyweds to start welling up, nor do the newlyweds even need to be real people (but instead be characters in a movie or even book) to cue the crying. Whether it’s Princess Diana’s wedding, the latest celebrity wedding on the cover of the tabloid magazines, or your college roommate’s wedding, the odds are good that you’ll find onlookers who are dabbing away the tears with a handkerchief.

Wedding etiquette experts and books don’t have much to say about shedding tears at a wedding, although one would imagine that it would be best to follow common sense. For instance, etiquette would surely frown upon wiping away one’s tears with the bride’s veil, even if it’s very handy.

An interesting thing is that there is an old wedding superstition about brides and tears. It says that the bride is not supposed to cry on her wedding day, prior to the ceremony, but is free to weep (with joy, of course) following the vows. Why is this? Well, superstition (and not wedding etiquette!) contends that plentiful tears proves that the bride is not a witch, as witches were said to be only able to cry three single tears from her left eye. Good to know!

The weather on a couples’ wedding day is one of those issues that, try as hard as you might, just cannot be controlled. While most brides dream of a beautiful, sunny day for their wedding day’s weather, the truth is that a rainy wedding day could actually be even more desirable. After all, there’s a superstition out there that says it’s good luck for the newlyweds to have a rainy wedding day. Even better? Seeing a rainbow on your wedding day…and it’s hard to find rainbows without first having rain.

Of course, not every wedding takes place on a sunny Saturday afternoon in June. There’s a great many weddings in other seasons and times of day. I’ve been to snowy weddings, evening weddings, even an early-morning wedding (that one was very challenging to be on-time for). The weather – good or bad – had practically zero negative effect on the weddings, ceremonies, or even the marriages. Well, okay, maybe there was that one time the caterer slipped on some ice and dropped the wedding cake, but the odds of that happening again are astronomical.

Wedding etiquette doesn’t really have a position on wedding day weather, but wedding planners would advise – especially for brides and grooms having an outdoor wedding – that a backup plan be in place in case of foul or even merely unpleasant wedding-day weather. Shortly before my brother’s wedding, massive rainstorms filled the weather forecasts, and we bought every umbrella in town so that his wedding guests could enjoy the ceremony. In the end, the rain stopped almost exactly an hour before the ceremony and didn’t start up again until the happy couple was off on their honeymoon.

In continuation from yesterday’s wedding etiquette blog, there was also an “Utterly useless” section of the “Worst Gifts Ever” that newlyweds mentioned and recommended to avoid as a gift giver. (My comments are italicized)

“Six George Foreman grills” (Well, I guess these would come in handy for those times you want to have a huge family or neighborhood gathering. The more grills going, the more people you can feed, sooner ;0)

“A birdhouse made of license plates… we live in a condo!” (I don’t even know what to say about this one)

“A friend gave us a framed invitation to her own wedding, which happened about five months before” (Interesting. This could certainly come off as the gift giver being a little self absorbed)

“A Jesus night-light” (I don’t know how people would feel being intimate with a Jesus night light in the room)

“A snowman lamp” (What’s wrong with this? That sounds cute for Christmas time.)

“A Bill Clinton pot holder” (This I have got to see. As soon as I’m done with this wedding etiquette blog, I am doing a internet search for a picture of this one)

“A cinnamon-scented stuffed dog” (Cinnamon is always a nice smell. Hey at least it doesn’t smell like dog.)

That’s all for now. We’ll see you again tomorrow.

The original article can be fund at:
http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=A60523134537&keywordID=180&

keywordType=2&parentID=527

If you’ve never had a chance to go dog sledding, then I suggest making it a point to make that a Christmas adventure at some point down the road. As it turns out, some newlyweds made it a point on their wedding day.

I don’t know where in the world they were, but they apparently decided to depart the wedding ceremony on dog sled. And yes, the cans were attached to the back of the sled, just like they usually are on cars. They wanted to arrive to the wedding on dog sled too but decided against that as they didn’t want to be all sweaty, stinky and windswept at their ceremony.

I had the wonderful opportunity to go dog sledding a couple times as a teenager. I am here to tell you, it is incredibly fun and not everyone can say they’ve done it. If your teenagers are bored of the “same ol’”, I highly recommend it. Even little kids will get a kick out of it.

I can see it now…The teacher asks “so what did you do over the Christmas break Joey?”. “Oh I just went dog sledding”. That’s not one you hear every day.

I was surprised to find out there are actually many places in snowy areas that offer sled dog experiences. I found companies in both mountain and prairie states. I simply did a search on the subject and put the area I lived and found at least five companies/families that offered that. Something to think about for your wedding adventure.

Well that’s all for now. Thanks for joining us in today’s wedding etiquette blog.

Do I have to give a wedding shower gift and an actual wedding gift?

Great question!

A general rule of wedding etiquette thumb is, if you attend the wedding shower then yes, you should give a gift at the wedding shower. If you don’t attend the shower than no, you don’t have to give a wedding shower gift.

Now if you only attend the wedding shower and can not attend the wedding, then no, you do not have to give a wedding gift as well. Although a wedding gift is always appreciated.

If you attend both the shower and wedding, then proper wedding etiquette would be to give a gift at both. Now remember, you don’t have to give two “big gifts”.
If you’re on a tight budget and want to be unique, one nifty idea would be to divide the gift(s) into “part one” and “part two”. At the shower, you would give them part one and at the wedding you would give them part two. Get as creative with it as you want. You can even make “part one” fun. Sometimes part one will be something random and keep them guessing as to what part two will be.  

Most of all, use your best judgment.

Have a wonderful day and happy gift hunting.

Should we return the wedding gifts if the marriage ends in less than a year?

This is a very good question with many considerations. As I was doing online research I came across this frequently asked question, surprisingly many times, along with numerous stories of newlyweds splitting up within months of the wedding. It’s shocking how common it is but it’s an unfortunate reality. Hopefully you or someone you know will never have to face this dilemma.

I can only imagine as a newlywed in the situation, there would be a sense of embarrassment or perhaps even shame. On top of that, you now have the dilemma of what to do with the gifts. You feel guilty keeping them, but then you feel guilty returning them or getting rid of them in some other fashion. Perhaps you’d feel even obligated to do one or the other, but then you’re worried about offending them.

It turns out most wedding etiquette experts advise to keep the gifts and split them between the two newlyweds. Why? Well…

Put yourself in the gift givers shoes, what would you want the newlyweds to do with your gift?

Some friends and family would be hurt if you returned or discarded the gift they put time, effort, money and thought into. It would be like a slap in the face to them.

There’s also the possibility the couple may resolve their issues and get back together. If they’ve returned or discarded the gifts, then they’re out of luck.

If still in doubt and you don’t care if people know, you’re splitting up…ask the gift giver what they would prefer (assuming you’ve got that kind of relationship with them).

It’s interesting to note how many of our current wedding traditions stemmed from worldwide superstition and chasing away of evil spirits and the devil. Here are some examples.

As discussed in a previous blog, a used horseshoe is believed to ward off the devil and evil spirits. So when you see a used horseshoe hanging over someone’s doorway, or horse shoes at weddings, you’ll know why.

Apparently it was the ancient Romans who started the tradition of wedding parties. It was believed that evil spirits were out to ruin the bride and grooms happy marriage.  Having people dress like the bride and groom, would confuse these evil spirits. The idea is that the evil spirits would “attack” the wedding party versus the newlyweds.  So technically the wedding party were “body guards”. Talk about taking one for the team. 
The Romans also believed carrying the bride over the threshold wouldn’t allow evil spirits to trip her.

Ever wonder why people decorate the newlywed’s car, especially with loud cans dragging from behind? Originally an Irish tradition, the loud noise created by the bouncing cans was suppose to chase away the devil and its evil spirit followers. Now days in many situations, the decorating of cars has been turned more into practical jokes. If you do decorate a friends car, please keep wedding etiquette in mind and try not to permanently damage the paint or any other part of the car. 

I hope you enjoyed this information.  I hope you’ll join us tomorrow.