Wedding Invitations

Wedding cakes have been a part of weddings for just about as long as brides, grooms, and even wedding etiquette. Did you know, for instance, that many hundreds of years ago, wedding guests each brought a small cake, which were stacked on the table in levels and layers. This wasn’t just potluck dessert: if the bride and groom were able to kiss over the top of the stack it was considered good luck.

Nowadays, it’s not unusual to find a second cake at a wedding reception: the groom’s cake. The groom’s cake can serve many purposes, from dessert at the rehearsal dinner, to an alternative choice to the wedding cake at a reception. It’s customary for the groom’s cake to be displayed next to the bride’s cake, and later cut and put into boxes for guests to take home. Legend says that single women are supposed to sleep with a slice under their pillow the same night they receive it — and if they do, they will dream of their future husband. Boxed slices of groom’s cake can also serve as wedding favors.

While wedding etiquette doesn’t specify who may cut the groom’s cake, you and your groom may decide to honor the groom’s cake as they do the wedding cake, and cut the first piece together.  It’s up to you if you want to be nice when feeding eachother the cake or if you’ll be a little more mischievious and get a little frosting on one anothers’ faces.

I have another Christmas tree wedding story for your enjoyment in today’s wedding etiquette blog.

This is a true story of yet another couple with an enormous Christmas tree as a decoration for their Christmas wedding. It first started when they had to cut the bottom of the tree a little bit more to fit the tree into the room. As they started cutting the bottom with a regular hand saw the tree was vibrating and shaking. The shaking caused all these little tiny bugs to start falling out of the tree and scattering all over the place. Of course this caused a gross-out panic, so they ended up spraying the tree down with some kind of insecticide.  Unfortunately the event was so close and they could still smell the insecticide on the tree. They had to bring in scented candles, diffusers and air sprays to try and mask the smell of the insecticide. During the reception people stared having asthma attacks and allergic reactions. It turns out some people there were highly sensitive to the insecticide and started having the asthma attack.  Others had chemical sensitivities to artificially scented products such as the candles and air sprays.

Although bugs are inevitable in real Christmas trees, don’t let that stop you from enjoying a real tree. We’ve had real trees for years and never had a bug problem. But just in case, before bringing it inside, do a “shake down” for bugs. Chances are most bugs in the tree are harmless anyhow.

With that though in mind, happy decorating.

I was reminiscing about the days when my family and I used to cut our own Christmas trees. Every year I remembered hearing at least one story of people finding squirrels, birds (including owls), and bats in their tree.  This memory inspired me to see if I could find any wedding stories about Christmas Trees.

Can I just say, I am truly amazed with what’s available online. I had no idea how many people had Christmas weddings and along with it, mayhem.

There was one couple who had an enormous Christmas tree at their wedding reception. It was beautiful but also very tempting for kids. Under and around the tree was packed with wedding gifts and to look at it, you wouldn’t think a kid could find their way to the tree. They would literally have to climb over the presents and certainly someone would see them doing it. Well somehow a three year old figured out how to do it without being noticed.  The little boy thought it would be funny to surprise everyone by popping out of the top of the tree. As he climbed people started noticing the tree jiggling. Before they realized what was going on, the tree came toppling down onto presents and a couple guests. The guests and kid were ok, but you could hear the crunching, cracking and breaking of the wedding gifts.

Wedding Etiquette tips learned from this experience: 
• Anchor the tree very well
• Keep an eye on the kids

Have a wonderful day.

Continuing on from yesterday….

Yesterday I forgot some very important “musts” for the budget:
- Costs related to obtaining the marriage license
- Fee from the person marrying you (Judge, Bishop, Priest, etc.)
- Thank you notes and stamps to send those

It’s not considered proper wedding etiquette to email Thank You notes. Emails can be considered too impersonal and people may feel that you didn’t really put much thought or effort into it. If you email a Thank You, you must still send an actual Thank You note.

After adding up the necessities, comes the fun part.  Now you get to decide the next important thing on you wedding list. Perhaps you now must decide whether or not to have a reception. While most weddings have a reception, some do not and this is OK. Some people choose not to because of the budget, while others just want to avoid the hype and ciaos.

Some people with a tight budget choose to have a potluck. If you choose a potluck, recruit a willing person to organize it. It can be too overwhelming for the newlyweds to do on top of everything else. The organizer will have to make sure there are enough people bringing enough food. Keep in mind it may not be convenient for the people who traveled from afar to bring food, unless they want to buy it from the store while on their visit.  

Another way to cut costs is to make your own wedding decorations. If you do a simple search online for that exact topic and you’ll find ample ideas. If you hang onto your decorations, you can even lend, sell or rent out your decorations for other peoples weddings. Make your money back on the costs of the materials ;0)

That’s all for today.  Make it a good one.

For various reasons, some people choose to have engagement parties in addition to the wedding, reception and even wedding showers.  Since engagement parties aren’t as common, there seems to be a lot of confusion and questions that arise…

Should I have an engagement party?

Before you organize an engagement party for yourself, ask yourself “Am I sure I really want to add all this extra stress to my life on top of everything else I need to get ready?”

Should I expect gifts?

Engagement parties are more about truly celebrating with your friends and family and them showing you their love and support. Sure some people will bring gifts, but it’s not required at engagement parties, especially since they will probably be giving you wedding gifts when the time comes.  You should never make your guests feel obligated to bring gifts because it may make them feel awkward.

If you choose to have an engagement party, remember the same wedding etiquette applies to engagement parties as it does the wedding and reception.

• Remember to write thank you notes and get them sent out as soon as you can, so you can get it off your mind and start focusing on the wedding plans.

• Remember to invite those people to your wedding or reception as well.

Gift Ideas

If you as the guest decide to bring a gift, try making it something the couple can do together. Here are some examples:
• Gift certificates to the movies, restaurants, etc.
• Romantic sleigh ride
• Get creative

Have you ever been to a wedding reception that had disposable cameras on the table?

Or as the bride or groom have you ever noticed you don’t get them all back? Well, it’s probably because some people thought they were nice little gifts or party favors for them to keep.

Advice for the newlyweds; make sure the guest know what these cameras are for. You can have someone make a verbal announcement or even have nice little cards with an explanation on the table with the cameras.

No guests, these are not party favors for you to keep.  They are to be used to take pictures of the wedding reception so the newlyweds will have a variety of candid pictures of all the happenings at the event.  They’re often oblivious to everything going on because they are so busy with formalities and being greeted by a million people. It’s also a fun way to keep guests entertained and involved. Some really good pictures often come from those cameras.
 
So here’s a little camera wedding etiquette advice for the quests. When taking pictures with the disposable cameras on the tables, be considerate and don’t waste the film. Remember these are memories for the newlyweds. Also mix it up and give them a variety of happy memories. They don’t want to see only themselves or the same guests making silly faces into the camera, they want to see everyone and everything.

Make it a great weekend.

Asking for money vs gifts can certainly be a little awkward.

There are a few situations that money would make more sense than physical gifts. In some cases gifts may be more of a hindrance than a help. Here are two situations I can think of:

#1. The bride and/or groom are flying back to their new home and would have to carry all the gifts with them. Or they would have to spend a bunch to mail it out.

If this is the case and you are the gift giver, you can either give them money OR you could even mail the gift to them. Many companies will drop-ship items, so you don’t have to worry about packing it up yourself or going to the post office. When you go to the wedding shower or reception, you can include a picture of the gift (even one printed off the internet) with an explanation it’s been shipped to them. Be sure to have the right address before shipping anything, as addresses so tend to change in the beginning.    

#2. The second scenario I can think of is that the bride and groom, being independent for some time, may already have all the items typically given at weddings (Microwave, toaster, blender, dishes, etc.).

As the bride and groom, it’s poor wedding etiquette to directly ask for money or include it in the wedding invitations. But you can let someone spread the word for you in a casual way without sounding presumptuous. Be creative!

Where in the world to have the wedding and reception can be a huge dilemma.

If you’re lucky, both families live close. But what if her family are in Wisconsin and his are in Oregon? Even worse, what if her family is in the UK and his are in the US? Where are you are going to have the ceremony? The last thing you want is to insult family members and friends.

Do you make his family travel far or her family? Do you make both families travel?
Who’s family would it be easier for? How many people would it “put out”? What’s the most convenient for the bride and groom? What’s the budget? Who’s paying for the wedding? Her family? His family? Which family is the most understanding? How will your family react to traveling? Every situation is a little different and the resolution will depend on all these factors, plus some. 

Here are some ideas other people have done that may help. 

• Some people pay for their families to travel to the location.
• Have two wedding ceremonies and two receptions. One where she’s from and one where he’s from.
• Have the actual marriage take place in one area and then the reception at another.

All these can be quite costly but is a great alternative, especially if the family wants to help pay for it. Be creative!

Whatever you decide, it’s good wedding etiquette to send invites to friends and family even if you know they can’t make it. This way they don’t feel neglected.

This can be a very touchy subject and should be handled with care. Whether it’s considered rude  to exclude children at a wedding or reception is a hot debatable topic.

As the bride or groom, before deciding to exclude children, you may want to consider how many guests actually have kids and how it will affect them. If you decide on an Adult Only reception, be sure to include it on the invitation.
 
As the guest, if you receive an invitation and it indicates it for Adults Only, try not to get offended. For all you know, space may be an issue. Or the budget allows for only so many to attend.  Maybe their concerned about the safety of the kids (especially if their doing it by a cliff).  Or perhaps they’re aiming for a nice calm and quite, non disruptive atmosphere. Put yourself in their shoes and just be thankful they invited you.

Before bringing the kids, ask yourself, “Will they behave or be disruptive? Will their behavior make me or others want to leave early?”

One reception I went to had only just a handful of children and they truly were a handful too. They were running around, being careless, touching and breaking antiques. Where were the parents?  I have no idea but it was a nightmare.

If you bring children, it is a good idea to not only keep an eye on them at the event, but also discuss with them ahead of time expectations and wedding etiquette.

Parents of both the bride and groom can have a huge influence on the stress levels of the happy couple during the wedding and in the years thereafter, especially of the in-laws don’t get along.

Are you worried the in-laws will contend at the wedding and reception?

Have the in-laws even met but you’re worried they won’t have anything in common or even like each other?

Assuming they have not met yet, might I suggest giving both sets of parents the benefit of the doubt.

Even if you have reservations about your in-laws, try to never ever say anything negative about them to your parents before your parents have a chance to get to know them for themselves. Vise versa. This would put a negative bias in their heads.  

However, if there is something very serious your parents should know, it’s ok to give them a heads up. For example, if your in-laws are a little hot headed about a certain political subject and you know someone may bring it up, you may want to tell your parents to avoid that discussion.

Assuming the soon to be in-laws have already met and they act more like out-laws towards one another, the last thing you want to do on your wedding day is play referee.

Hopefully both sets of in-laws will have the common decency not to cause contention at the wedding or reception, but just incase, here are some suggestions…

1. Remember the expression, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”.  If you tell your parents something negative about the in-laws OR if you tell your in-laws something negative about your parents, it will only fuel the fires and give them  something to gnaw on.

2. Make sure their accommodations are at a different location.

3. Arrange seating during the ceremony and reception far apart from each other.

A note to the In-laws: It would be good wedding etiquette to keep this a happy day and save any disagreements for another time.

Have a wonderful weekend.