Wedding Invitations

Often times, those brides whose weddings are in the public eye (celebrities and royal weddings quickly come to mind) will sooner or later see their wedding gown designs admired and ultimately copied by other, non-royal brides.  Good examples of this include Princess Diana’s wedding gown,  Jacqueline Kennedy’s wedding gown, or Caroline Bessette’s wedding gown.  Their wedding gown styles seemed to set wedding gown trends for their contemporaries for years to come and many still feel their styles are the pinnacles of classic wedding styles and etiquette.

The latest Royal bride, though, might not care so much about setting trends among fellow brides of her day.  Queen Elizabeth II of England’s first grandchild, Peter Phillips, was married recently near Windsor Castle and his bride didn’t pull out all the stops for her once-in-a-lifetime Royal wedding gown. 

Instead of 20-foot trains or a gown studded with ten thousand sequins, the former Autumn Kelly chose a modest but flattering style of gown, perhaps as a nod to wedding etiquette, or perhaps to honor her grandmother-in-law the Queen’s fashion sensibilities. The Royal bride’s wedding gown was made of lace and duchesse satin and featured a modest neckline, A-line skirt and a short-sleeved lace bolero.  Fashion experts agree that the gown was quite lovely, but was unlikely to set any new trends in wedding gown fashions.  However, we feel that choosing a traditional style of gown is a trend that’s here to stay for brides on both sides of the pond. 

Those experts in the wedding industry note that  for the most part, the majority of couples stick with mailing tried-and-true wedding invitations out to their guests.  After all, for most brides planning weddings, choosing a wedding invitation to send out to their guests is standard, whether or not they “believe” in etiquette.  Yes, some brides send emails or write letters or make phone calls to invite their guests to their wedding ceremonies, but here’s something it’s too easy to forget:  your wedding invitation isn’t the only invitation that you might be needing to select. 

Bridal showers need invitations, engagement parties need invitations, rehearsal dinners need invitations.  Many couples are now putting together a full weekend of events for their guests in addition to the wedding, with such things as casual barbeques the day before for their attendants, or day-after family style brunch as a sort of sendoff for the honeymooners.  And those events need invitations, too!

Naturally, as with any invitation, wedding-related or otherwise, etiquette dictates that the basics of the event be crystal clear for the guests.  Time, date, location, and perhaps any dress code or suggestions should absolutely, without fail, be appearing on an invitation.

Of course, it’s best to be absolutely sure to send out invitations well enough in advance of your bridal shower or wedding for your prospective guests to plan accordingly, which is especially thoughtful for those guests who are coming in from out of town to attend the festivities.

Countless island resorts and cruise lines are definitely making it easier for the couple wanting a destination wedding – many such places even have an in-house wedding coordinator to make everything all that much easier on the bride and groom. Many engaged couples today are opting for a simple getaway, or destination, wedding.   Some folks look at it as a way to combine wedding ceremony and honeymoon into one, while others feel that the intimate and relaxing atmosphere of a destination wedding is the ideal part. 

It’s not all simple, though.  A part of destination wedding planning that isn’t necessarily easier for the bride and groom is putting together the guest list.  Space for guests is typically very limited but at the same time, it’s all too easy to run the risk of offending friends or family by not sending them an invitation, even if they weren’t going to be able to attend.  Although destination wedding etiquette is a fairly new concept, your guests will surely appreciate any efforts, large or small, that you might make towards their comfort and enjoyment.

Definitely keep in mind that things may get even more difficult for the bride and groom who want an extremely intimate wedding (that is, just the bride, the groom, the officiant, and the photographer to prove it happened).  After all, it’s an especially delicate etiquette dance to explain to friends and family who expect to be able to attend.

Roses? Hydrangeas? Peonies?  You are certainly not alone if you are feeling overwhelmed by sorting out the flowers for your wedding.  If you are planning on honoring your mothers and grandmothers and other special women in your lives, definitely mark down corsages for these ladies.  It’s a good idea to add in a few extras for any you might have inadvertently overlooked).  Also think about what flowers to order for the reception site, the ceremony site, the rehearsal dinner site, and of course the flowers for the wedding party. 

Brides might wonder about the etiquette involved in selecting wedding flowers and we’d like to help clear up any confusion that might be out there.  Both tradition and wedding etiquette suggests that the groom himself give the bride her bouquet as a gift, as well as the flowers for the bridal couple’s mothers and grandmothers and the groomsmen’s boutonnieres.  Traditionally, the bride takes care of ceremony and reception flowers as well as the bridesmaids’ bouquets.  Another lovely gift of flowers you could make together would be to send flowers to family members who are unable to attend the wedding due to distance or poor health.

No matter how large or small a wedding is, one thing that is almost guaranteed to be a part of the day are the flowers.  Flowers adorning the church door, scattered by the flower girl, worn proudly as a corsage by the mother of the groom, and of course carried happily by the joyful bride, there’s no question that weddings and flowers go together and make a winning combination.

Considering the increasing number of workplace romances that result in marriage, it’s not surprising that a new topic of conversation is becoming all the more off-limits while at the office:  weddings. 

It’s not just wedding etiquette experts who say this, either…it’s also employers and co-workers, too.  Why would it be that the wedding of an employee or co-worker would be not a good idea to discuss at the office?  To begin with, happy event though it is, it’s unlikely that the wedding is a business-related issue, unless working for a florist, bakery, wedding planner, or other similar wedding industry business.

A couple’s wedding guest list is a major reason why etiquette frowns upon overdiscussing a wedding at the office.  Many couples are not able to afford to invite every single co-worker (and their spouses) to their reception, which is perfectly understandable in some ways, but hurtful to those not invited nonetheless.  Sometimes couples solve this problem by inviting just the boss (and spouse) and their closest workplace friend and spouse.  Etiquette experts say that inviting the boss can be a good idea, because an employee’s relationship with his boss is important, and this could be a good way to strengthen it. However, please do realize that, if you can’t stand being in your boss’ presence, don’t feel obligated to send an invite.

When a co-worker asks about the wedding, it’s generally best to give vague replies, such as, “it’s going very well, thank you.”  If a co-worker is upset about being left out of the wedding, explain that you value their friendship. But because you are having a small wedding you’re restricted.

Let’s have a show of hands. I’m sure I’m not the only one who remembers looking at the framed wedding invitation on my mother’s dressing table quite a lot when growing up.  The Little Girl version of me thought it was just beautiful to look at the formal Olde English text and my parents’ names, but my favorite part was the passage on the invitation that read “request the honour of your presence.”  Something about that spelling, “honour,” just struck me.  For years, whenever I’d dream of the day my prince would come, I’d just think about that beautiful wedding invitation on my mother’s dressing table and smile.

Luckily, I didn’t have to spend too many years smiling and waiting for my prince to come. When my husband and I got engaged, and we began the serious and very important business of planning our wedding, I started poring over wedding invitation catalogs almost right away.  I had a picture in my head of precisely the invitation I wanted:  cream card stock, formal font, engraving, and of course that word “honour.”

After a great many wedding invitation websites and catalogs, many consultations of wedding etiquette books, and quite an impressive number of printers’ proofs, the UPS man brought me a box of wedding invitations from the printer.  Opening that box made me very happy–although of course not anywhere near as happy as the wedding day itself!   There they were, at long last: the cream card stock, engraved and formal text, and my favorite “honour,” with my name right next to my prince’s name.  Not only did I manage to hit all the right notes etiquette-wise, but I was able to meet my own high expections.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that I’ve framed our wedding invitation and it sits on my dressing table to this very day, where I look at it and smile each day all over again, even as my prince and I approach our tenth anniversary.

Take a glance in any bridal magazine or wedding salon and you can find short gowns, long gowns, big poufy gowns, sleek and slim gowns, lacy gowns, satin gowns, and even gowns with color.There’s a million different wedding gowns out there – a terrifying prospect to those brides-to-be who don’t love shopping.  For those who do love to shop, though, it’s one of the best parts of wedding planning. 

Don’t forget that when you are ready to go shopping for your wedding gown, many times the gown of your choice will need to be ordered, which can generally take several months to arrive.  Beginning your search early in your wedding planning might seem like you’re getting a little ahead of yourself, but brides have enough to worry about without wondering if their wedding gown will arrive on-time.

One part of hunting for a wedding gown that you might want to consider is wedding etiquette.  For example, some churches look down upon a strapless or sleeveless wedding gown. It’s also a good idea, etiquette-wise, to consider the time of day that your wedding ceremony takes place when looking for your wedding gown.  Generally, floor length gowns are reserved for indoor and evening weddings. Knee length gowns are typically found at informal or outdoor ceremonies.

You might think that there wouldn’t be a bigger etiquette no-no than to choose a non-white  bridal gown.  Etiquette actually isn’t as firm on white wedding gowns as you would think; the truth is that white wedding gowns have only become standard less than a century ago.  Prior to World War II, white gowns weren’t the high priority for brides.  Instead, brides were practical and chose special occasion gowns that they could wear again.

We all can agree that flowers are a beautiful and classic decoration for brides and weddings in general.  But did you know that brides have not always carried bouquets of flowers at their weddings?  History tells us that brides in ancient Egypt carried bouquets of sweet-smelling herbs at weddings, as this was believed to ward off evil spirits on such an important day.  Romans carried on this tradition for much the same reasons.  Many brides in ancient Rome carried handfuls of the herb rosemary that symbolized fidelity and fertility, two very highly-prized things.  Orange blossoms were also chosen, to symbolize happiness and fulfillment for the newlyweds.  

It was Queen Victoria (and then, of course, Victorian-era brides) who first selected roses for wedding bouquets, and even today roses are chosen by the majority of brides for their bouquets.  Why roses? Well, the Victorians felt that the rose symbolized deep and true love, so what better flower for a bride’s bouquet than a rose? Wedding flowers are scattered by a small girl preceding the English bride and her wedding party, who walk together to the wedding chapel or the wedding site. The flowered path and symbolic walk express hope for the bride’s path through life to be happy and lovely.

In terms of wedding etiquette and flowers, matters are really very simple.  A bride can select the flowers that she desires and stay on the good side of etiquette as long as she keeps her groom in mind as well as her wedding party.  Remember, etiquette has the groom paying for the bride’s wedding bouquet!

Recently, a list of top choices for a couple’s first dance at their wedding was released.  The list was put together by wedding DJs, who know a thing or two about wedding music trends.  As a couple’s first dance as newlyweds is an important and symbolic one, it’s no surprise that the list is filled with “classic” songs that will stand the test of time, ones that can be played at a couple’s 50^th anniversary celebration without fear of sounding dated or corny.

When considering wedding etiquette as part of selecting your first dance song at your wedding, it’s really just best to use good judgement.  If you or your groom’s family are traditional or serious, choosing a silly or potentially offensive song for this all-important moment at your wedding could be a serious error in etiquette.  While it’s true that the wedding is yours and is for you and your groom, it’s never a bad idea to take your family and guests’ comfort into consideration (which is really what is at the heart of good wedding etiquette).  

Some couples select a song that is important to them because it was playing when they got engaged, or when they met, or at another important milestone in their relationship.  Other couples enjoy continuing traditions and use a song that was played at their parents’ or grandparents’ weddings.  If you’d like to continue a family tradition in that way but already have your own song as a couple, perhaps you could have the family song played at another important moment at the wedding reception, like the cake-cutting or the father-daughter dance. 

Wedding cakes have been a part of weddings for just about as long as brides, grooms, and even wedding etiquette.  Did you know, for instance, that many hundreds of years ago, wedding guests each brought a small cake, which were stacked on the table in levels and layers.  This wasn’t just potluck dessert:  if the bride and groom were able to kiss over the top of the stack it was considered good luck.

Nowadays, it’s not unusual to find a second cake at a wedding reception: the groom’s cake.  The groom’s cake can serve many purposes, from dessert at the rehearsal dinner, to an alternative choice to the bride’s cake at the wedding. It’s customary for the groom’s cake to be displayed next to the bride’s cake, and later cut and put into boxes for guests to take home. Legend says that single women are supposed to sleep with a slice under their pillow the same night they receive it — and if they do, they will dream of their future husband. Boxed slices of groom’s cake can also serve as your wedding favors.  While etiquette doesn’t specify who may cut the groom’s cake, you and your groom may decide to honor the groom’s cake as they do the wedding cake, and cut the first piece together.
Don’t forget, there’s one time during wedding planning when you will have an abundance of volunteers offering to help make decisions:  cake-tasting time at the bakery.  Whether he likes chocolate, white, yellow, or red velvet cake for your wedding, your groom is almost guaranteed to be willing to go and have a taste of each choice that’s available.