Wedding Invitations

It can be very difficult to come up with something unique for the couple who already has everything they need or could ever want. This is when you really start getting bizarre, crazy and desperate gifts. With that in mind, Theknot.com recently surveyed brides for their “worst gifts ever”. Some of the responses are a hoot. Here are some wedding etiquette no no’s I felt compelled to share… (My comments are italicized)
“A 3-D painting of horses” (That sounds kind of cool. Maybe your current or future daughter will like it).

“A really ugly art piece involving a cow tooth” (Huh? Hmmm. Gross)

“A ceramic fish statue” (I’ve seen some nice fish statues. This one must be real ugly.)

“A hand-painted lucky horseshoe” (Hey, it’s the symbolism that counts…right?)

“A mop” (Hint, hint)

“Febreze air freshener” (Is this a another hint?)

“Gift card that was empty” (Wow, cheap)

“Mounted can opener with the UPC code removed - so the giver could get the rebate and we couldn’t return it” (Yikes)

“A regifted tray (with the original card to the regifter included with the present)” (Oh man…So not only was the gift giver uncaring about the gift, but they didn’t even take the time to look at it before giving it to the newlyweds)

“A regifted set of wine glasses we’d given our cousin” (Whoops. That’s awkward)

“A regifted apple peeler/corer/slicer” (Hey, these are handy and kids love them!)

There are so many more. The original article of the worst gifts ever can be found at:
http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=A60523134537&keywordID=180&

keywordType=2&parentID=527

In the situation where the wedding gift is broken and it was shipped from the sender and not from a store, then things get a little trickier. You are then faced with the dilemma “should I tell them or not?”

Some wedding etiquette professionals would tell you to simply send a thank you note and not mention it was broken.  This is for a few reasons. First of all, this can be a little awkward if you’re not extremely close to the giver.  Second of all you (the receiver) are risking offending the giver or making them feel obligated to send another gift, when that wasn’t your intention at all. Depending on how you present it, they may even feel you’re being ungrateful.

Now on the flip side, other wedding etiquette professionals feel that it’s bad wedding etiquette to let someone’s money go to waste like that, especially when they could have had it replaced at no additional cost. A perfect example of this is when my friend Sarah got married. She received a broken wedding gift and to avoid awkwardness she chose not to tell the giver who she didn’t know that well. A couple years later the giver found out and was extremely upset that Sarah didn’t say anything. The giver had apparently spent a lot of money on that gift and could have exchanged it for another one within 90 days from the time it was purchased. She felt like all of her money went down the drain. 

So obviously the right thing to do is going to depend on the situation and how close the recipient is to the giver.

Asking for money vs gifts can certainly be a little awkward.

There are a few situations that money would make more sense than physical gifts. In some cases gifts may be more of a hindrance than a help. Here are two situations I can think of:

#1. The bride and/or groom are flying back to their new home and would have to carry all the gifts with them. Or they would have to spend a bunch to mail it out.

If this is the case and you are the gift giver, you can either give them money OR you could even mail the gift to them. Many companies will drop-ship items, so you don’t have to worry about packing it up yourself or going to the post office. When you go to the wedding shower or reception, you can include a picture of the gift (even one printed off the internet) with an explanation it’s been shipped to them. Be sure to have the right address before shipping anything, as addresses so tend to change in the beginning.    

#2. The second scenario I can think of is that the bride and groom, being independent for some time, may already have all the items typically given at weddings (Microwave, toaster, blender, dishes, etc.).

As the bride and groom, it’s poor wedding etiquette to directly ask for money or include it in the wedding invitations. But you can let someone spread the word for you in a casual way without sounding presumptuous. Be creative!

When using stationery to thank your guests for your wedding gifts, and if you are thinking of having your thank you cards personalized
with a monogram instead of your name, the proper way to do that is to make the middle initial larger than
the rest and is to stand for your last name.

The first initial is for the
first letter of your first name and the third is for the first letter
of your maiden name after you are married. Before you are married, the
third initial would be the first letter of your middle name. If you
have a name like McDonald, you can either use just the “M” or McD”
whichever you prefer. If you want to only use one letter as your
monogram, most prefer to use the initial representing their last name.

Monograms are used only on personalized wedding stationery and never on the wedding invitations themselves.

Here is something that is often done improperly and is of poor wedding
etiquette. How do I let my guests know where I am registered?

It is in very poor taste to include a card inside your wedding invitations
announcing were you have registered. That is too much like asking for a gift.
The best way to get the word out is by word of mouth.

If you have set up a personal wedding website, you can let the word get out, by
sending out a separate email or word of mouth about the website and you can
have that information on the website along with all of your other pre-wedding
information.

The thing to do would be to email your guests after your wedding invitations
have gone out to let them know that you have put up a personal wedding website with
some neat pictures of your wedding party along with some fun stories about them
and how you and your groom met, etc.

For those who might be traveling a far distance who might need
accommodations, you can tell them that you have posted some good options they
might want to consider. You don’t have to mention that you have your registry
also posted there. They will find it when the go to the site. They actually
will be very pleased that it will be that easy for them to shop for your wedding gifts online
or at least see what you want without having to leave home. That way you can
get the job done without even bringing up the "gift" topic.