Wedding Invitations

Here’s a little riddle for you: how is your wedding ceremony like a movie theatre? Don’t spend all day racking your brains trying to come up with the answer, we’ll tell you right now. The way that your wedding ceremony and movie theatres are the same is that both places need to remind guests to shut off their cell phones while there.

Believe it or not, it’s become quite usual for brides to have to print in their ceremony program a note about silencing cell phones. Some wedding venues even have it listed, front and center, in their event guidelines and regulations, to remind guests to silence or shut off cell phones. A gentle reminder in the program is the most ideal method to ensure no one’s raucous ring tones interrupt the quieter and more tender moments of the wedding. According to Emily Post, absolute wedding etiquette expert, it is also acceptable to have a little sign by the guest book at a ceremony. Mrs. Post notes that a verbal announcement (something like “The ceremony is about to begin; could everyone please make sure their cell phones are silenced?”) would be acceptable wedding etiquette, but the written reminders are more preferable.

The silencing of cell phones should not be limited to wedding guests, though. All too often, members of the wedding party neglect to shut off their phones, only to discover the error at a very inopportune moment in the ceremony, for instance, while in the middle of the vows! Many wedding venues or wedding coordinators are there to assist the wedding party just prior to the ceremony; you could ask them to be in charge of making sure the bridesmaids and groomsmen have silenced their phones.

All you need for a wedding is a bride and a groom, right? Wrong! In order to make it official, not to mention legal, an officiant – be that judge, minister, or other public official – is needed to seal the deal, officially! It’s too easy, we know, to overlook the officiant, so we thought we’d take a few moments to take a quick overview of All Things Officiant at a wedding.

Obviously, if you have already chosen a church setting for your wedding ceremony, you’re most likely going to have the church’s minister as the officiant. It’s possible, though, to bring in another minister – perhaps the family’s long-time minister who baptized your husband? – to perform the ceremony. Do remember, however, that it’s good wedding etiquette to check with the church first to be sure they are okay with an outside officiant taking part. Also remember that if the officiant comes from out-of-state, there may be extra steps involved to ensure the marriage is legal.

One thing that many brides are confused over regarding their officiants is whether or not to send the officiant an invitation. While many officiants do not expect to receive an invitation, it’s a nice thing to do (and smart wedding etiquette) to invite your officiant. Of course, if your brother, grandparent, or best friend is performing the ceremony, you’re almost certainly already sending your officiant an invitation!

It surprises many many engaged couples who are planning a wedding to discover that there can be some unexpected rules that go along with wedding planning. This isn’t necessarily wedding etiquette-related, though. We consider etiquette to be more like guidelines to make life more pleasant and gracious, but by no means are they federal regulations.

That said, there are some things to do with etiquette that would probably be best to not try to go against. For instance, some churches have strict rules about photography inside the sanctuary during the wedding ceremony. Many brides who have had their hearts set on having a photograph taken of their father walking them down the aisle at their wedding are upset at the news that their church doesn’t allow photography during the ceremony. While the first instinct might be to break the church’s rule and take photos anyway, do you really want to start off a marriage by making your officiant angry at you?

The great news is that there’s often a workable solution around such etiquette difficulties. Continuing with the no photographs during the ceremony scenario, one way to abide by the church’s rules and still get the photos you’ve dreamt about would be to make arrangements to have some time in the church after the ceremony to re-create certain parts of the wedding. For instance, the bride’s entrance, the vows, and even The Kiss could all be re-created for the photographer and give you many lovely photographic memories for years to come.

There’s a million different wedding gowns out there, and some brides might feel pretty sure that they’ve tried on nearly every one of those million gowns. Today, you could find short gowns, long gowns, big poufy gowns, sleek and slim gowns, lacy gowns, satin gowns, and even gowns with color.

One part of hunting for a wedding gown that you might want to consider is wedding etiquette. For example, some churches look down upon a strapless or sleeveless wedding gown. Also, the time of day that your wedding ceremony takes place in will also matter when you’re considering etiquette. Generally, floor length gowns are reserved for indoor and evening weddings. Knee length gowns are typically found at informal or outdoor ceremonies.

Perhaps you’re wondering if you absolutely must select a white bridal gown. Wedding etiquette actually isn’t as firm on white wedding gowns as you would think; the truth is that white wedding gowns have only become standard less than a century ago. Prior to World War II, white gowns weren’t the high priority for brides. Instead, brides were practical and chose special occasion gowns that they could wear again.

Remember, when you are ready to go shopping for your wedding gown, many times the gown of your choice will need to be ordered, which can generally take several months to arrive. Beginning your search early in your wedding planning might seem like you’re getting a little ahead of yourself, but brides have enough to worry about without wondering if their wedding gown will arrive on-time.

Although my prince and I are about to mark a significant wedding anniversary, I still have strong and vivid memories of waiting for responses from our wedding guests in the weeks leading up to our wedding. Each day, I would rush to see if the mailman had brought any more of those little response cards to me, which would tell us just who we could expect to be seeing in the pews at our wedding ceremony. Each “yes” was a thrill and every “no” was a disappointment, but I was happy to receive each and every envelope in the mail.

Once upon a time, wedding invitations were not sent out with response cards included (and, indeed, some wedding invitations today go out sans response cards). Back then, etiquette frowned upon such enclosures with the invitations, but in those days, wedding guests automatically wrote little notes on their own notepaper to accept the invitation. In today’s very busy and fast-paced world, those little personal notes simply were not getting written, so wedding etiquette evolved and now give the okay to send out response cards with invitations.

Beyond that, etiquette regarding response cards isn’t really terribly strict. You see, there isn’t a “correct” way of response card wording. Instead, there are styles that are more appropriate for a formal wedding, and those best suited to a casual affair. Taking the time to ensure your response card matches the type and tone of not only your wedding but wedding invitation as well is a nice thing to do…and, happily, part of staying in-line with wedding etiquette, as well.

Brides and their grandmothers aren’t the only people involved in a wedding who should be taking wedding etiquette into consideration. Believe it or not, there are wedding etiquette guidelines for your wedding guests, as well. After all, etiquette is really just consideration for your friends and family, so it’s not really surprising that there’d be etiquette for guests, too.

Fortunately, a guest’s wedding etiquette is none too difficult or outrageous. In fact, it’s actually quite simple and very often things or approaches that one would be doing on their own anyhow. For instance, etiquette says that guests shouldn’t interrupt a wedding ceremony with their late arrival, so be sure to be on-time (although a little early is even better).

Another incredibly simple part of a wedding guest’s etiquette is to RSVP to the invitation in a prompt and timely manner. Again, you may have already been planning on responding to the invitation promptly, regardless of etiquette. Similarly, unless your wedding invitation specifies that you may bring a guest of your own to accompany you (e.g., a date or a friend), etiquette strongly discourages that unexpected guests tag along with invited guests to a wedding.

Above all, wedding etiquette stresses the importance of enjoying the event itself, responsibly and happily. The newlyweds worked very hard on planning an enjoyable and pleasant wedding for their guests, be sure to let them know they achieved that goal. It will please them to know you enjoyed their wedding day.

Brides, I’m sure this is only the 150^th time this week that you’ve heard this advice in some form – online, in a book or magazine, or from a friend or relative – but when you set out to select your wedding invitation, it’s important to have it ‘go with’ the rest of the wedding. I’m not necessarily talking about themes, but it is a good idea to have it play nicely with the rest of the wedding details.

For one thing, it’s a preview of coming attractions of sorts for your prospective wedding guests. Even if you have a wedding website, blog, or message board set up for your guests, trust me, there are going to be guests who wouldn’t know a blog if it bit them. For these guests in particular, your wedding invitation gives them a very good idea of what to expect from your wedding. An invitation with seashells and a casual font would imply that the wedding might be a laidback, maybe even barefoot, wedding on the beach. Conversely, an invitation with engraving and the most formal of formal wording, describing an evening wedding ceremony and a sit-down dinner reception at the swankiest hotel in the city would suggest that the guests should probably dig their tuxedos and long evening gowns out of the closet.

Your wedding guests will certainly appreciate getting advance notice of what to expect from your wedding. Remembering your guests and their comfort is part of your wedding, after all. Etiquette, weddings and otherwise, is not just for grandmothers, it’s for all of us.

Are you planning a wedding and found, very quickly, that it’s all so overwhelming? Many engaged couples today are opting for a simple getaway, or destination, wedding.

Some folks look at it as a way to combine wedding ceremony and honeymoon into one, while others feel that the intimate and relaxing atmosphere of a destination wedding is the ideal part. Countless island resorts and cruiselines are definitely making it easier for the couple wanting a destination wedding – many such places even have an in-house wedding coordinator to make everything all that much easier on the bride and groom.

One area of destination wedding planning that isn’t necessarily easier for the bride and groom is putting together the guest list. Space for guests is typically very limited but at the same time, it’s all too easy to run the risk of offending friends or family by not sending them an invitation, even if they weren’t going to be able to attend. Although destination wedding etiquette is a fairly new concept, your guests will surely appreciate any efforts, large or small, that you might make towards their comfort and enjoyment.

For the bride and groom who want an extremely intimate wedding (in other words: just the bride, the groom, the officiant, and the photographer to prove it happened), it’s an especially delicate wedding etiquette dance to explain to friends and family who expect to be able to attend.

As you can see, a destination wedding may not be as simple, relaxing, and ideal as you’d like to think it is! But it can definitely be a lovely way to start a life together.

What is the proper way to handle children the sensitive topic of allowing or not allowing children at your wedding? No doubt many brides have struggled how to approach this graciously. Many times it’s that the couple wants to discourage people from bringing children. What is proper wedding etiquette in this situation?

There are many reasons why you might choose not to invite children to a wedding ceremony:

• The cost - tabs for food can run high and by the head. Adding a lot of children can push the cost of the wedding higher.
• Children may not be well-behaved or their parents may not keep a good watch on them so things can get broken, spilled, etc.
• You want a quiter, intimate atmosphere not conducive to having children.
• There will be alcohol served and the celebration will be very late.

There are different ways you can approach this. You can ask people to spread the word informally that the wedding is for adults. Or you can state this on the invitation.

Sometimes no matter what you say people will bring children and you can expect that guests with young babies may bring them. You could anticipate this and hire a babysitter to watch the children in a room close by. Provide snacks and perhaps show a movie. You may consider inviting the children to join in one dance or part of the reception.

Wedding Etiquette for Roman Catholic weddings encompasses some specific considerations and customs.

Deb from Beautiful Wedding Invitations offers some basic guidelines:

“Weddings to be performed in the Catholic Church are to be publicly announced three times either from the pulpit or the church bulletin before the wedding,” she writes. “These are called banns.”

She then adds an important point of distinction for Roman Cathlic weddings.

“Catholics can be married in a simple wedding service but most choose to include a Nuptial Mass (or service),” she explains. “If the wedding ceremony will include a Nuptial Mass, that needs to be indicated on the invitation because the mass itself will be around an hour long and your guests need to be aware of that.”

Next, Deb points out a fact that some may not be aware of.

“It used to be that Nuptial Masses were only performed before noon, but now are performed in the afternoon as well,” she writes. ”

But there’s also a time of the season when Roman Catholic weddings are not customary.

“Unless the bishop has granted special permission, Nuptial Masses may not be performed during Lent or Advent,” she emphasizes.

And as to the lucky couple?

“The bride and groom ‘are joined together in holy matrimony’ so ‘and’ is used instead of ‘to,’ ” Deb states.

(Wedding photo via http://www.saintmalo.org/photos/wedding.jpg)