Wedding Invitations

For some people (including several that I know very well), shedding a tear or two or twenty-two at a wedding is a normal thing. These tears aren’t signs of major woe or regret, but are instead a natural byproduct of that happy little thrill of joy that we get from seeing a happy couple joined together in marriage. Some people don’t even need to personally know the newlyweds to start welling up, nor do the newlyweds even need to be real people (but instead be characters in a movie or even book) to cue the crying. Whether it’s Princess Diana’s wedding, the latest celebrity wedding on the cover of the tabloid magazines, or your college roommate’s wedding, the odds are good that you’ll find onlookers who are dabbing away the tears with a handkerchief.

Wedding etiquette experts and books don’t have much to say about shedding tears at a wedding, although one would imagine that it would be best to follow common sense. For instance, etiquette would surely frown upon wiping away one’s tears with the bride’s veil, even if it’s very handy.

An interesting thing is that there is an old wedding superstition about brides and tears. It says that the bride is not supposed to cry on her wedding day, prior to the ceremony, but is free to weep (with joy, of course) following the vows. Why is this? Well, superstition (and not wedding etiquette!) contends that plentiful tears proves that the bride is not a witch, as witches were said to be only able to cry three single tears from her left eye. Good to know!

It’s unlikely that most brides, when they were little girls, spent much time daydreaming about putting together the guest list for their wedding. Daydreams about wearing a wedding gown or dancing with their handsome new husband, of course, but odds are that very few little girls were entranced by the idea of the guest list and the etiquette, politics, and address books that are involved in that.

It’s not a fun task, but it’s an entirely necessary task, as your guests are a vitally important part of the wedding day. After all, if you really aren’t interested in gathering your dear friends and family around you on this important day, then you’re probably leaning towards eloping and having just the two of you at the ceremony. But for those couples who are eager to have their loved ones witness the beginning of their marriage, it’s just got to be done.

Believe it or not, but the guest list is often where many wedding planning pitfalls or arguments may lie. The parents of the bride and groom might have different expectations of the guest list, or perhaps the wedding site itself is putting a limit on the numbers while each family keeps discovering more and more must-invite names to put on the list. In such cases, it’s often best to not try to play politics but instead just follow wedding etiquette, which is there to help make things easier.

One last helpful tip: when you’ve finished addressing the last invitation, don’t toss out the guest list. You’re not done with the list yet! Not only will you have thank-you notes to write, but you’ll find the wedding guest list (and addresses) to be helpful later on, when it comes time to work on Christmas cards or even birth announcements.

It can be overwhelming to many newly engaged couples to realize just how much work can often be involved in the planning of a wedding. In fact, a great many couples find that the amount of work that goes into wedding planning could practically be a full-time job for someone. When many couples make this realization, they also see the wisdom of hiring a wedding planner or wedding coordinator to take care of the details both large and small for the Big Day. There are two types of professionals who can assist in the matrimonial day planning: wedding planners and wedding day coordinators. Many professionals offer both services to brides and grooms.

A wedding planner can manage all manner of wedding services, including working up lists of possible vendors, researching wedding etiquette on certain issues, assembling a timetable of events for both planning and the wedding day itself, and managing the wedding budget.

Some couples find that they rather like the details that go into the planning of their wedding, but agree that having a person to “direct traffic” on the day of the wedding itself would be very valuable indeed. While you might initially think that a good friend or close family member would make a good volunteer wedding day coordinator, you often realize that that means they won’t be able to enjoy the wedding as a guest. Therefore, hiring a wedding day coordinator to work behind the scenes ensuring that the littlest and biggest details alike are covered, potential etiquette disasters are defused, and a general smooth running of the day goes on.

When most brides imagine their wedding day, absolutely every single thing is perfect. Nothing goes wrong, there are no mishaps or accidents, or even the slightest imperfection. But, unfortunately, with the vast majority of weddings, there’s a handful of errors that occur on that day of days, but in most cases, these problems do not truly ruin anything, even for the most hardcore etiquette followers.

For any perfectionists who plan a wedding, a problem sounds like a major nightmare. No matter how much detailed planning goes on or how precisely wedding etiquette is followed, the odds are good that things just won’t go as planned. Often such problems have nothing to do with any errors in planning, but matters beyond one’s control. Some of these things include poor weather delaying an outdoor ceremony, traffic jams making half the wedding guests late, a power outage at the reception site, or a purely accidental spilling of red wine on the train of the bride’s wedding gown.

Wedding day mishaps might feel like a total fiasco at the moment, when the wedding cake collapses, or the bride mispronounces the groom’s name during the vows, or if the boutonnieres arrive with pearl-headed pins instead of crystal-headed pins, but the truth is that most things will, in retrospect, end up being a fun and entertaining part of the wedding day. We know it’s probably hard to see that in the heat of the moment, but later on, such accidents can very often end up giving a couple’s wedding day a little something special and unique.

One wonderfully handy thing about wedding etiquette is that it makes it very easy to find information about every detail of a wedding, from the very largest to the very smallest detail. No matter what, the odds are good that you’ll find that wedding etiquette has an opinion on the matter.

Not sure you should believe us? Well, let’s take a closer look at some examples. Maybe you didn’t realize it but there’s etiquette regarding the wedding and the engagement ring. Etiquette says that the wedding band must not be put above the engagement ring. The wedding band is worn at the base of the finger with the engagement ring (if any) immediately following, as if to stand guard. On her wedding day a bride either leaves her engagement ring at home when she goes to the church or she wears it on her right hand. She should switch it back to her left hand following the ceremony.

Another good example of etiquette taking care of every last detail is a bride’s escort. The reason the bride is on her father’s right arm is that a gentleman’s right arm is the arm of courtesy. This even extends to the groomsmen or ushers. You know that it is the duty of the ushers to show all guests to their places. An usher offers his right arm to each female guest as she arrives, whether he knows her personally or not.

While some might think wedding etiquette is outdated, the truth is that it’s a helpful guide for many brides today.

It’s all too easy for many brides in the middle of a wedding-planning whirlwind to momentarily forget that the wedding guests are just as important a part of the day as most other parts of the wedding. After all, the wedding is a celebration and you and your groom look forward to celebrating your marriage with close friends and family. Taking your guests’ comfort and enjoyment into consideration when making arrangements for your wedding is a very thoughtful thing for any bride to do.

Of course, this does not absolve the wedding guests from any responsibilities on your wedding day. While some may want to rebel against etiquette, wedding or otherwise, the fact of the matter is that when the wedding guests are considerate, thoughtful, and happy for the newlyweds, the day is a joyful one for all involved.

You will find that wedding etiquette asks a few but important things of the guests. That guests respond promptly to the wedding invitation, that guests arrive a little early for the wedding ceremony (arriving after the bride is such a no-no!), and that guests enjoy themselves in moderation at the reception. Single wedding guests should not assume, without first asking the bridal couple, that they ought to bring a date. And while it’s often convenient for a guest to bring their wedding gift with them on the special day, it’s generally frowned upon as it creates more confusion and burdens on the wedding party.

In summary, much of the etiquette for wedding guests is really quite reasonable and actually very sensible, and makes the wedding day a memorable and enjoyable one for everyone.

Brides and their grandmothers aren’t the only people involved in a wedding who should be taking wedding etiquette into consideration. Believe it or not, there are wedding etiquette guidelines for your wedding guests, as well. After all, etiquette is really just consideration for your friends and family, so it’s not really surprising that there’d be etiquette for guests, too.

Fortunately, a guest’s wedding etiquette is none too difficult or outrageous. In fact, it’s actually quite simple and very often things or approaches that one would be doing on their own anyhow. For instance, etiquette says that guests shouldn’t interrupt a wedding ceremony with their late arrival, so be sure to be on-time (although a little early is even better).

Another incredibly simple part of a wedding guest’s etiquette is to RSVP to the invitation in a prompt and timely manner. Again, you may have already been planning on responding to the invitation promptly, regardless of etiquette. Similarly, unless your wedding invitation specifies that you may bring a guest of your own to accompany you (e.g., a date or a friend), etiquette strongly discourages that unexpected guests tag along with invited guests to a wedding.

Above all, wedding etiquette stresses the importance of enjoying the event itself, responsibly and happily. The newlyweds worked very hard on planning an enjoyable and pleasant wedding for their guests, be sure to let them know they achieved that goal. It will please them to know you enjoyed their wedding day.

The weather on a couples’ wedding day is one of those issues that, try as hard as you might, just cannot be controlled. While most brides dream of a beautiful, sunny day for their wedding day’s weather, the truth is that a rainy wedding day could actually be even more desirable. After all, there’s a superstition out there that says it’s good luck for the newlyweds to have a rainy wedding day. Even better? Seeing a rainbow on your wedding day…and it’s hard to find rainbows without first having rain.

Of course, not every wedding takes place on a sunny Saturday afternoon in June. There’s a great many weddings in other seasons and times of day. I’ve been to snowy weddings, evening weddings, even an early-morning wedding (that one was very challenging to be on-time for). The weather – good or bad – had practically zero negative effect on the weddings, ceremonies, or even the marriages. Well, okay, maybe there was that one time the caterer slipped on some ice and dropped the wedding cake, but the odds of that happening again are astronomical.

Wedding etiquette doesn’t really have a position on wedding day weather, but wedding planners would advise – especially for brides and grooms having an outdoor wedding – that a backup plan be in place in case of foul or even merely unpleasant wedding-day weather. Shortly before my brother’s wedding, massive rainstorms filled the weather forecasts, and we bought every umbrella in town so that his wedding guests could enjoy the ceremony. In the end, the rain stopped almost exactly an hour before the ceremony and didn’t start up again until the happy couple was off on their honeymoon.

“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.” It seems as if just about everyone has heard that old saying, but do you know the history behind it? Take a moment out of your busy wedding planning or etiquette researching to learn some more about this age-old bridal custom.

To begin with, you may not know this, but in the original saying, there’s a final line that often gets omitted here in the United States: “put a sixpence in her shoe.” While I was planning my own wedding, my grandmother sent me a sixpence and it’s a good thing she wasn’t there to see me open up the envelope because I honestly could not figure out why she was sending me loose change (and from another country, no less!). A little internet research quickly told me that custom says that a sixpence placed in the bride’s shoe on her wedding day is a wish for good fortune and prosperity for the newlyweds.

Similarly, the big four (old, new, borrowed, and blue) each symbolize other wishes for the newlyweds. Something old represents continuity, something new offers optimism for the future, something borrowed symbolizes borrowed happiness, and something blue stands for purity, love, and fidelity. All very welcome and worthy wishes for any bride and groom on their wedding day!

Some brides worry that they won’t be following wedding etiquette to the letter if they assemble the items themselves, but experts assure that the items need not be presented by the bride’s sister or mother or aunt in order to “count.”

Growing up, I remember looking at the framed wedding invitation on my mother’s dressing table quite a lot as a little girl. The nine-year-old me thought it was just beautiful to look at the formal Olde English text and my parents’ names, but I think my favorite part was the passage on the invitation that read “request the honour of your presence.” Something about that spelling, “honour,” just struck me. From then on, whenever I’d dream of the day my prince would come, I’d think about that beautiful wedding invitation on my mother’s dressing table.

When my prince finally showed up and we got down to the serious and very important business of planning our wedding, I started poring over wedding invitation catalogs almost right away. I had a picture in my head of precisely the invitation I wanted (luckily, my prince did not feel as passionately about invitations and deferred to my choice): cream card stock, formal font, engraving, and of course that word “honour.”

After many wedding invitation websites and catalogs, many consultations of wedding etiquette books, and (I’m not ashamed to say) more than a few printers’ proofs, the box of wedding invitations arrived from the printer. Although of course not anywhere near as happy as the wedding day itself, opening that box made me very happy. There they were, at long last: the cream card stock, engraving, formal font, and my favorite “honour,” with my name right next to my prince’s name. My dream invitation was a reality.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that I’ve framed our wedding invitation and it sits on my dressing table, even as my prince and I approach our tenth anniversary.