Wedding Invitations

Often times, those brides whose weddings are in the public eye (celebrities and royal weddings quickly come to mind) will sooner or later see their wedding gown designs admired and ultimately copied by other, non-royal brides.  Good examples of this include Princess Diana’s wedding gown,  Jacqueline Kennedy’s wedding gown, or Caroline Bessette’s wedding gown.  Their wedding gown styles seemed to set wedding gown trends for their contemporaries for years to come and many still feel their styles are the pinnacles of classic wedding styles and etiquette.

The latest Royal bride, though, might not care so much about setting trends among fellow brides of her day.  Queen Elizabeth II of England’s first grandchild, Peter Phillips, was married recently near Windsor Castle and his bride didn’t pull out all the stops for her once-in-a-lifetime Royal wedding gown. 

Instead of 20-foot trains or a gown studded with ten thousand sequins, the former Autumn Kelly chose a modest but flattering style of gown, perhaps as a nod to wedding etiquette, or perhaps to honor her grandmother-in-law the Queen’s fashion sensibilities. The Royal bride’s wedding gown was made of lace and duchesse satin and featured a modest neckline, A-line skirt and a short-sleeved lace bolero.  Fashion experts agree that the gown was quite lovely, but was unlikely to set any new trends in wedding gown fashions.  However, we feel that choosing a traditional style of gown is a trend that’s here to stay for brides on both sides of the pond. 

Roses? Hydrangeas? Peonies?  You are certainly not alone if you are feeling overwhelmed by sorting out the flowers for your wedding.  If you are planning on honoring your mothers and grandmothers and other special women in your lives, definitely mark down corsages for these ladies.  It’s a good idea to add in a few extras for any you might have inadvertently overlooked).  Also think about what flowers to order for the reception site, the ceremony site, the rehearsal dinner site, and of course the flowers for the wedding party. 

Brides might wonder about the etiquette involved in selecting wedding flowers and we’d like to help clear up any confusion that might be out there.  Both tradition and wedding etiquette suggests that the groom himself give the bride her bouquet as a gift, as well as the flowers for the bridal couple’s mothers and grandmothers and the groomsmen’s boutonnieres.  Traditionally, the bride takes care of ceremony and reception flowers as well as the bridesmaids’ bouquets.  Another lovely gift of flowers you could make together would be to send flowers to family members who are unable to attend the wedding due to distance or poor health.

No matter how large or small a wedding is, one thing that is almost guaranteed to be a part of the day are the flowers.  Flowers adorning the church door, scattered by the flower girl, worn proudly as a corsage by the mother of the groom, and of course carried happily by the joyful bride, there’s no question that weddings and flowers go together and make a winning combination.

Considering the increasing number of workplace romances that result in marriage, it’s not surprising that a new topic of conversation is becoming all the more off-limits while at the office:  weddings. 

It’s not just wedding etiquette experts who say this, either…it’s also employers and co-workers, too.  Why would it be that the wedding of an employee or co-worker would be not a good idea to discuss at the office?  To begin with, happy event though it is, it’s unlikely that the wedding is a business-related issue, unless working for a florist, bakery, wedding planner, or other similar wedding industry business.

A couple’s wedding guest list is a major reason why etiquette frowns upon overdiscussing a wedding at the office.  Many couples are not able to afford to invite every single co-worker (and their spouses) to their reception, which is perfectly understandable in some ways, but hurtful to those not invited nonetheless.  Sometimes couples solve this problem by inviting just the boss (and spouse) and their closest workplace friend and spouse.  Etiquette experts say that inviting the boss can be a good idea, because an employee’s relationship with his boss is important, and this could be a good way to strengthen it. However, please do realize that, if you can’t stand being in your boss’ presence, don’t feel obligated to send an invite.

When a co-worker asks about the wedding, it’s generally best to give vague replies, such as, “it’s going very well, thank you.”  If a co-worker is upset about being left out of the wedding, explain that you value their friendship. But because you are having a small wedding you’re restricted.

Take a glance in any bridal magazine or wedding salon and you can find short gowns, long gowns, big poufy gowns, sleek and slim gowns, lacy gowns, satin gowns, and even gowns with color.There’s a million different wedding gowns out there – a terrifying prospect to those brides-to-be who don’t love shopping.  For those who do love to shop, though, it’s one of the best parts of wedding planning. 

Don’t forget that when you are ready to go shopping for your wedding gown, many times the gown of your choice will need to be ordered, which can generally take several months to arrive.  Beginning your search early in your wedding planning might seem like you’re getting a little ahead of yourself, but brides have enough to worry about without wondering if their wedding gown will arrive on-time.

One part of hunting for a wedding gown that you might want to consider is wedding etiquette.  For example, some churches look down upon a strapless or sleeveless wedding gown. It’s also a good idea, etiquette-wise, to consider the time of day that your wedding ceremony takes place when looking for your wedding gown.  Generally, floor length gowns are reserved for indoor and evening weddings. Knee length gowns are typically found at informal or outdoor ceremonies.

You might think that there wouldn’t be a bigger etiquette no-no than to choose a non-white  bridal gown.  Etiquette actually isn’t as firm on white wedding gowns as you would think; the truth is that white wedding gowns have only become standard less than a century ago.  Prior to World War II, white gowns weren’t the high priority for brides.  Instead, brides were practical and chose special occasion gowns that they could wear again.

We all can agree that flowers are a beautiful and classic decoration for brides and weddings in general.  But did you know that brides have not always carried bouquets of flowers at their weddings?  History tells us that brides in ancient Egypt carried bouquets of sweet-smelling herbs at weddings, as this was believed to ward off evil spirits on such an important day.  Romans carried on this tradition for much the same reasons.  Many brides in ancient Rome carried handfuls of the herb rosemary that symbolized fidelity and fertility, two very highly-prized things.  Orange blossoms were also chosen, to symbolize happiness and fulfillment for the newlyweds.  

It was Queen Victoria (and then, of course, Victorian-era brides) who first selected roses for wedding bouquets, and even today roses are chosen by the majority of brides for their bouquets.  Why roses? Well, the Victorians felt that the rose symbolized deep and true love, so what better flower for a bride’s bouquet than a rose? Wedding flowers are scattered by a small girl preceding the English bride and her wedding party, who walk together to the wedding chapel or the wedding site. The flowered path and symbolic walk express hope for the bride’s path through life to be happy and lovely.

In terms of wedding etiquette and flowers, matters are really very simple.  A bride can select the flowers that she desires and stay on the good side of etiquette as long as she keeps her groom in mind as well as her wedding party.  Remember, etiquette has the groom paying for the bride’s wedding bouquet!

Recently, a list of top choices for a couple’s first dance at their wedding was released.  The list was put together by wedding DJs, who know a thing or two about wedding music trends.  As a couple’s first dance as newlyweds is an important and symbolic one, it’s no surprise that the list is filled with “classic” songs that will stand the test of time, ones that can be played at a couple’s 50^th anniversary celebration without fear of sounding dated or corny.

When considering wedding etiquette as part of selecting your first dance song at your wedding, it’s really just best to use good judgement.  If you or your groom’s family are traditional or serious, choosing a silly or potentially offensive song for this all-important moment at your wedding could be a serious error in etiquette.  While it’s true that the wedding is yours and is for you and your groom, it’s never a bad idea to take your family and guests’ comfort into consideration (which is really what is at the heart of good wedding etiquette).  

Some couples select a song that is important to them because it was playing when they got engaged, or when they met, or at another important milestone in their relationship.  Other couples enjoy continuing traditions and use a song that was played at their parents’ or grandparents’ weddings.  If you’d like to continue a family tradition in that way but already have your own song as a couple, perhaps you could have the family song played at another important moment at the wedding reception, like the cake-cutting or the father-daughter dance. 

Here’s a little riddle for you: how is your wedding ceremony like a movie theatre? Don’t spend all day racking your brains trying to come up with the answer, we’ll tell you right now. The way that your wedding ceremony and movie theatres are the same is that both places need to remind guests to shut off their cell phones while there.

Believe it or not, it’s become quite usual for brides to have to print in their ceremony program a note about silencing cell phones. Some wedding venues even have it listed, front and center, in their event guidelines and regulations, to remind guests to silence or shut off cell phones. A gentle reminder in the program is the most ideal method to ensure no one’s raucous ring tones interrupt the quieter and more tender moments of the wedding. According to Emily Post, absolute wedding etiquette expert, it is also acceptable to have a little sign by the guest book at a ceremony. Mrs. Post notes that a verbal announcement (something like “The ceremony is about to begin; could everyone please make sure their cell phones are silenced?”) would be acceptable wedding etiquette, but the written reminders are more preferable.

The silencing of cell phones should not be limited to wedding guests, though. All too often, members of the wedding party neglect to shut off their phones, only to discover the error at a very inopportune moment in the ceremony, for instance, while in the middle of the vows! Many wedding venues or wedding coordinators are there to assist the wedding party just prior to the ceremony; you could ask them to be in charge of making sure the bridesmaids and groomsmen have silenced their phones.

Do you like a good surprise? Many brides were surprised with an engagement ring by their suitors at the time of the proposal, but it’s becoming more and more accepted for couples to select an engagement ring together. Yes, it takes away some of the surprise of the proposal, but the bonus to selecting the ring together really reduces any secret disappointment the bride-to-be might have about her ring. For example, what if you’d dreamt of a lovely round solitaire and your fiancé presented you with a marquise-cut stone? We all can agree that the marquise is just as beautiful as the round solitaire, but at the same time, it’s not quite what you’d been dreaming of all those years.

In terms of wedding etiquette, there aren’t really any hard and fast rules about the rings. Contrary to what some might believe, in engagement ring etiquette there is no rule that states that if a ring is worn it has to be a diamond. Additionally, there is no rule that an engagement ring must be worn at all for an engagement to be official. There’s no question that many people consider an engagement ring to be absolutely compulsory, but by no means is it required according to either etiquette or the law.

As far as wedding rings go, once again, it’s more tradition than etiquette that has the bride-to-be purchasing her fiancee’s wedding band while he purchases her wedding band. Couples today often like to select matching wedding bands, matching either in style or type of metal (such as white gold, platinum, titanium, tungsten, or yellow gold settings).

Recently, a friend of mine was shocked when some bridal shower invitations she’d sent out were returned for insufficient postage. “I didn’t know the cost of a stamp had gone up again!” she cried. Don’t let this happen to your important wedding-related mail! It’s an inconvenience and a bit of a no-no in the world of wedding etiquette. You should be aware that a postal rate increase for stamps went into effect earlier this spring.

Some particularly good advice to brides is to make a special trip to the Post Office to weigh an invitation before buying the stamps. Also, brides, don’t forget, you may need to buy double the number of “Love” stamps to mail out your wedding invitations. After all, you will likely need to stamp both the invitation itself in addition to the reply or RSVP cards. While wedding etiquette no longer requires RSVP cards go with all invitations, it sure makes life easier on both the bride and the caterer.

Wedding fashions may come and go, but one trend has stayed the same for almost thirty years now: the “Love” stamp. American brides have been mailing their wedding invitations using “Love” stamps since 1973, which was the first year that the U.S. Postal Service issued them. Back then, the inaugural “Love” stamp was designed by pop artist Robert Indiana and cost eight cents apiece. In the 35 years since that first stamp was issued, “Love” stamp designs have ranged from images of cherubs, flowers, candy hearts, animals, and love letters to abstract designs. My personal favorite? The Hershey’s Kiss stamp issued in 2007. Now that’s yummy.

It’s June and that means wedding season for many people, but don’t forget that June also brings a great many wedding anniversary celebrations for couples all across the country. Whether it’s the couple’s first, fifteenth, or fiftieth wedding anniversary, they are reminded of a happy summer day in June when they were the bride and groom just starting out as newlyweds.

Sadly, not as many anniversaries are observed by those aside from the former bride and groom. Some mother-in-laws remember and send a card while other sisters or best friends offer to babysit the anniversary couple’s kids to pave the way for a special anniversary dinner. But it’s rare that a couple will receive happy anniversary wishes from others.

That’s a shame. Every anniversary deserves celebrating and while many wedding etiquette guides aren’t likely to demand that friends and family send anniversary greetings or congratulations to couples for the rest of their lives…it sure would be a nice thing to happen, wouldn’t it?

So if you’re preparing for your wedding and aren’t too caught up in the flurry and excitement of the upcoming nuptials, why not take a moment to think about those couples who are special to you and when might they be celebrating their wedding anniversary? Honoring a happily married couple’s anniversary is a lovely gesture. Again, it’s not required by wedding etiquette, but it definitely is a thoughtful thing to do.