Wedding Invitations

When most brides imagine their wedding day, absolutely every single thing is perfect. Nothing goes wrong, there are no mishaps or accidents, or even the slightest imperfection. But, unfortunately, with the vast majority of weddings, there’s a handful of errors that occur on that day of days, but in most cases, these problems do not truly ruin anything, even for the most hardcore etiquette followers.

For any perfectionists who plan a wedding, a problem sounds like a major nightmare. No matter how much detailed planning goes on or how precisely wedding etiquette is followed, the odds are good that things just won’t go as planned. Often such problems have nothing to do with any errors in planning, but matters beyond one’s control. Some of these things include poor weather delaying an outdoor ceremony, traffic jams making half the wedding guests late, a power outage at the reception site, or a purely accidental spilling of red wine on the train of the bride’s wedding gown.

Wedding day mishaps might feel like a total fiasco at the moment, when the wedding cake collapses, or the bride mispronounces the groom’s name during the vows, or if the boutonnieres arrive with pearl-headed pins instead of crystal-headed pins, but the truth is that most things will, in retrospect, end up being a fun and entertaining part of the wedding day. We know it’s probably hard to see that in the heat of the moment, but later on, such accidents can very often end up giving a couple’s wedding day a little something special and unique.

It’s all too easy for many brides in the middle of a wedding-planning whirlwind to momentarily forget that the wedding guests are just as important a part of the day as most other parts of the wedding. After all, the wedding is a celebration and you and your groom look forward to celebrating your marriage with close friends and family. Taking your guests’ comfort and enjoyment into consideration when making arrangements for your wedding is a very thoughtful thing for any bride to do.

Of course, this does not absolve the wedding guests from any responsibilities on your wedding day. While some may want to rebel against etiquette, wedding or otherwise, the fact of the matter is that when the wedding guests are considerate, thoughtful, and happy for the newlyweds, the day is a joyful one for all involved.

You will find that wedding etiquette asks a few but important things of the guests. That guests respond promptly to the wedding invitation, that guests arrive a little early for the wedding ceremony (arriving after the bride is such a no-no!), and that guests enjoy themselves in moderation at the reception. Single wedding guests should not assume, without first asking the bridal couple, that they ought to bring a date. And while it’s often convenient for a guest to bring their wedding gift with them on the special day, it’s generally frowned upon as it creates more confusion and burdens on the wedding party.

In summary, much of the etiquette for wedding guests is really quite reasonable and actually very sensible, and makes the wedding day a memorable and enjoyable one for everyone.

Although my prince and I are about to mark a significant wedding anniversary, I still have strong and vivid memories of waiting for responses from our wedding guests in the weeks leading up to our wedding. Each day, I would rush to see if the mailman had brought any more of those little response cards to me, which would tell us just who we could expect to be seeing in the pews at our wedding ceremony. Each “yes” was a thrill and every “no” was a disappointment, but I was happy to receive each and every envelope in the mail.

Once upon a time, wedding invitations were not sent out with response cards included (and, indeed, some wedding invitations today go out sans response cards). Back then, etiquette frowned upon such enclosures with the invitations, but in those days, wedding guests automatically wrote little notes on their own notepaper to accept the invitation. In today’s very busy and fast-paced world, those little personal notes simply were not getting written, so wedding etiquette evolved and now give the okay to send out response cards with invitations.

Beyond that, etiquette regarding response cards isn’t really terribly strict. You see, there isn’t a “correct” way of response card wording. Instead, there are styles that are more appropriate for a formal wedding, and those best suited to a casual affair. Taking the time to ensure your response card matches the type and tone of not only your wedding but wedding invitation as well is a nice thing to do…and, happily, part of staying in-line with wedding etiquette, as well.

Brides and their grandmothers aren’t the only people involved in a wedding who should be taking wedding etiquette into consideration. Believe it or not, there are wedding etiquette guidelines for your wedding guests, as well. After all, etiquette is really just consideration for your friends and family, so it’s not really surprising that there’d be etiquette for guests, too.

Fortunately, a guest’s wedding etiquette is none too difficult or outrageous. In fact, it’s actually quite simple and very often things or approaches that one would be doing on their own anyhow. For instance, etiquette says that guests shouldn’t interrupt a wedding ceremony with their late arrival, so be sure to be on-time (although a little early is even better).

Another incredibly simple part of a wedding guest’s etiquette is to RSVP to the invitation in a prompt and timely manner. Again, you may have already been planning on responding to the invitation promptly, regardless of etiquette. Similarly, unless your wedding invitation specifies that you may bring a guest of your own to accompany you (e.g., a date or a friend), etiquette strongly discourages that unexpected guests tag along with invited guests to a wedding.

Above all, wedding etiquette stresses the importance of enjoying the event itself, responsibly and happily. The newlyweds worked very hard on planning an enjoyable and pleasant wedding for their guests, be sure to let them know they achieved that goal. It will please them to know you enjoyed their wedding day.

It’s not unusual during wedding planning for brides to find their grooms aren’t terribly enthusiastic about much of the hard work involved. But even the busiest groom typically finds one part of the wedding planning process to be his favorite: the cake-tasting appointment at the bakery (or, better yet, multiple appointments at multiple bakeries!).

Wedding cakes have been a part of weddings for just about as long as brides, grooms, and even wedding etiquette. Did you know, for instance, that many hundreds of years ago, wedding guests each brought a small cake, which were stacked on the table in levels and layers. This wasn’t just potluck dessert: if the bride and groom were able to kiss over the top of the stack it was considered good luck.

Nowadays, it’s not unusual to find a second cake at a wedding reception: the groom’s cake. The groom’s cake can serve many purposes, from dessert at the rehearsal dinner, to an alternative choice to the wedding cake at a reception. It’s customary for the groom’s cake to be displayed next to the bride’s cake, and later cut and put into boxes for guests to take home. Legend says that single women are supposed to sleep with a slice under their pillow the same night they receive it — and if they do, they will dream of their future husband. Boxed slices of groom’s cake can also serve as wedding favors.

While wedding etiquette doesn’t specify who may cut the groom’s cake, you and your groom may decide to honor the groom’s cake as they do the wedding cake, and cut the first piece together.

The weather on a couples’ wedding day is one of those issues that, try as hard as you might, just cannot be controlled. While most brides dream of a beautiful, sunny day for their wedding day’s weather, the truth is that a rainy wedding day could actually be even more desirable. After all, there’s a superstition out there that says it’s good luck for the newlyweds to have a rainy wedding day. Even better? Seeing a rainbow on your wedding day…and it’s hard to find rainbows without first having rain.

Of course, not every wedding takes place on a sunny Saturday afternoon in June. There’s a great many weddings in other seasons and times of day. I’ve been to snowy weddings, evening weddings, even an early-morning wedding (that one was very challenging to be on-time for). The weather – good or bad – had practically zero negative effect on the weddings, ceremonies, or even the marriages. Well, okay, maybe there was that one time the caterer slipped on some ice and dropped the wedding cake, but the odds of that happening again are astronomical.

Wedding etiquette doesn’t really have a position on wedding day weather, but wedding planners would advise – especially for brides and grooms having an outdoor wedding – that a backup plan be in place in case of foul or even merely unpleasant wedding-day weather. Shortly before my brother’s wedding, massive rainstorms filled the weather forecasts, and we bought every umbrella in town so that his wedding guests could enjoy the ceremony. In the end, the rain stopped almost exactly an hour before the ceremony and didn’t start up again until the happy couple was off on their honeymoon.

Brides, I’m sure this is only the 150^th time this week that you’ve heard this advice in some form – online, in a book or magazine, or from a friend or relative – but when you set out to select your wedding invitation, it’s important to have it ‘go with’ the rest of the wedding. I’m not necessarily talking about themes, but it is a good idea to have it play nicely with the rest of the wedding details.

For one thing, it’s a preview of coming attractions of sorts for your prospective wedding guests. Even if you have a wedding website, blog, or message board set up for your guests, trust me, there are going to be guests who wouldn’t know a blog if it bit them. For these guests in particular, your wedding invitation gives them a very good idea of what to expect from your wedding. An invitation with seashells and a casual font would imply that the wedding might be a laidback, maybe even barefoot, wedding on the beach. Conversely, an invitation with engraving and the most formal of formal wording, describing an evening wedding ceremony and a sit-down dinner reception at the swankiest hotel in the city would suggest that the guests should probably dig their tuxedos and long evening gowns out of the closet.

Your wedding guests will certainly appreciate getting advance notice of what to expect from your wedding. Remembering your guests and their comfort is part of your wedding, after all. Etiquette, weddings and otherwise, is not just for grandmothers, it’s for all of us.