Wedding Invitations

Those experts in the wedding industry note that  for the most part, the majority of couples stick with mailing tried-and-true wedding invitations out to their guests.  After all, for most brides planning weddings, choosing a wedding invitation to send out to their guests is standard, whether or not they “believe” in etiquette.  Yes, some brides send emails or write letters or make phone calls to invite their guests to their wedding ceremonies, but here’s something it’s too easy to forget:  your wedding invitation isn’t the only invitation that you might be needing to select. 

Bridal showers need invitations, engagement parties need invitations, rehearsal dinners need invitations.  Many couples are now putting together a full weekend of events for their guests in addition to the wedding, with such things as casual barbeques the day before for their attendants, or day-after family style brunch as a sort of sendoff for the honeymooners.  And those events need invitations, too!

Naturally, as with any invitation, wedding-related or otherwise, etiquette dictates that the basics of the event be crystal clear for the guests.  Time, date, location, and perhaps any dress code or suggestions should absolutely, without fail, be appearing on an invitation.

Of course, it’s best to be absolutely sure to send out invitations well enough in advance of your bridal shower or wedding for your prospective guests to plan accordingly, which is especially thoughtful for those guests who are coming in from out of town to attend the festivities.

Let’s have a show of hands. I’m sure I’m not the only one who remembers looking at the framed wedding invitation on my mother’s dressing table quite a lot when growing up.  The Little Girl version of me thought it was just beautiful to look at the formal Olde English text and my parents’ names, but my favorite part was the passage on the invitation that read “request the honour of your presence.”  Something about that spelling, “honour,” just struck me.  For years, whenever I’d dream of the day my prince would come, I’d just think about that beautiful wedding invitation on my mother’s dressing table and smile.

Luckily, I didn’t have to spend too many years smiling and waiting for my prince to come. When my husband and I got engaged, and we began the serious and very important business of planning our wedding, I started poring over wedding invitation catalogs almost right away.  I had a picture in my head of precisely the invitation I wanted:  cream card stock, formal font, engraving, and of course that word “honour.”

After a great many wedding invitation websites and catalogs, many consultations of wedding etiquette books, and quite an impressive number of printers’ proofs, the UPS man brought me a box of wedding invitations from the printer.  Opening that box made me very happy–although of course not anywhere near as happy as the wedding day itself!   There they were, at long last: the cream card stock, engraved and formal text, and my favorite “honour,” with my name right next to my prince’s name.  Not only did I manage to hit all the right notes etiquette-wise, but I was able to meet my own high expections.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that I’ve framed our wedding invitation and it sits on my dressing table to this very day, where I look at it and smile each day all over again, even as my prince and I approach our tenth anniversary.

It’s all too easy for many brides in the middle of a wedding-planning whirlwind to momentarily forget that the wedding guests are just as important a part of the day as most other parts of the wedding. After all, the wedding is a celebration and you and your groom look forward to celebrating your marriage with close friends and family. Taking your guests’ comfort and enjoyment into consideration when making arrangements for your wedding is a very thoughtful thing for any bride to do.

Of course, this does not absolve the wedding guests from any responsibilities on your wedding day. While some may want to rebel against etiquette, wedding or otherwise, the fact of the matter is that when the wedding guests are considerate, thoughtful, and happy for the newlyweds, the day is a joyful one for all involved.

You will find that wedding etiquette asks a few but important things of the guests. That guests respond promptly to the wedding invitation, that guests arrive a little early for the wedding ceremony (arriving after the bride is such a no-no!), and that guests enjoy themselves in moderation at the reception. Single wedding guests should not assume, without first asking the bridal couple, that they ought to bring a date. And while it’s often convenient for a guest to bring their wedding gift with them on the special day, it’s generally frowned upon as it creates more confusion and burdens on the wedding party.

In summary, much of the etiquette for wedding guests is really quite reasonable and actually very sensible, and makes the wedding day a memorable and enjoyable one for everyone.

Brides and their grandmothers aren’t the only people involved in a wedding who should be taking wedding etiquette into consideration. Believe it or not, there are wedding etiquette guidelines for your wedding guests, as well. After all, etiquette is really just consideration for your friends and family, so it’s not really surprising that there’d be etiquette for guests, too.

Fortunately, a guest’s wedding etiquette is none too difficult or outrageous. In fact, it’s actually quite simple and very often things or approaches that one would be doing on their own anyhow. For instance, etiquette says that guests shouldn’t interrupt a wedding ceremony with their late arrival, so be sure to be on-time (although a little early is even better).

Another incredibly simple part of a wedding guest’s etiquette is to RSVP to the invitation in a prompt and timely manner. Again, you may have already been planning on responding to the invitation promptly, regardless of etiquette. Similarly, unless your wedding invitation specifies that you may bring a guest of your own to accompany you (e.g., a date or a friend), etiquette strongly discourages that unexpected guests tag along with invited guests to a wedding.

Above all, wedding etiquette stresses the importance of enjoying the event itself, responsibly and happily. The newlyweds worked very hard on planning an enjoyable and pleasant wedding for their guests, be sure to let them know they achieved that goal. It will please them to know you enjoyed their wedding day.

For most brides planning weddings, choosing a wedding invitation to send out to their guests is standard. Yes, some brides send emails or write letters or make phone calls to invite their guests to their wedding ceremonies, but for the most part, the majority of couples stick with mailing tried-and-true wedding invitations out to their guests.

But don’t forget that your wedding invitation isn’t the only invitation that you might need need to select. Bridal showers need invitations, engagement parties need invitations, rehearsal dinners need invitations. Many couples are now putting together a full weekend of events for their guests in addition to the wedding, with such things as casual barbeques the day before for their attendants, or day-after family style brunch as a sort of sendoff for the honeymooners. And those events need invitations, too!

As with any invitation, wedding-related or otherwise, etiquette dictates that the basics of the event be crystal clear for the guests. Time, date, location, and perhaps any dress code or suggestions should absolutely, without fail, be appearing on an invitation. And, of course, it’s best to be absolutely sure to send out invitations well enough in advance of your bridal shower or wedding for your prospective guests to plan accordingly (especially any guests who are coming in from out of town). Even those who like to defy wedding etiquette can’t argue with the wisdom of making it easy for their guests to attend.

Brides, I’m sure this is only the 150^th time this week that you’ve heard this advice in some form – online, in a book or magazine, or from a friend or relative – but when you set out to select your wedding invitation, it’s important to have it ‘go with’ the rest of the wedding. I’m not necessarily talking about themes, but it is a good idea to have it play nicely with the rest of the wedding details.

For one thing, it’s a preview of coming attractions of sorts for your prospective wedding guests. Even if you have a wedding website, blog, or message board set up for your guests, trust me, there are going to be guests who wouldn’t know a blog if it bit them. For these guests in particular, your wedding invitation gives them a very good idea of what to expect from your wedding. An invitation with seashells and a casual font would imply that the wedding might be a laidback, maybe even barefoot, wedding on the beach. Conversely, an invitation with engraving and the most formal of formal wording, describing an evening wedding ceremony and a sit-down dinner reception at the swankiest hotel in the city would suggest that the guests should probably dig their tuxedos and long evening gowns out of the closet.

Your wedding guests will certainly appreciate getting advance notice of what to expect from your wedding. Remembering your guests and their comfort is part of your wedding, after all. Etiquette, weddings and otherwise, is not just for grandmothers, it’s for all of us.

Growing up, I remember looking at the framed wedding invitation on my mother’s dressing table quite a lot as a little girl. The nine-year-old me thought it was just beautiful to look at the formal Olde English text and my parents’ names, but I think my favorite part was the passage on the invitation that read “request the honour of your presence.” Something about that spelling, “honour,” just struck me. From then on, whenever I’d dream of the day my prince would come, I’d think about that beautiful wedding invitation on my mother’s dressing table.

When my prince finally showed up and we got down to the serious and very important business of planning our wedding, I started poring over wedding invitation catalogs almost right away. I had a picture in my head of precisely the invitation I wanted (luckily, my prince did not feel as passionately about invitations and deferred to my choice): cream card stock, formal font, engraving, and of course that word “honour.”

After many wedding invitation websites and catalogs, many consultations of wedding etiquette books, and (I’m not ashamed to say) more than a few printers’ proofs, the box of wedding invitations arrived from the printer. Although of course not anywhere near as happy as the wedding day itself, opening that box made me very happy. There they were, at long last: the cream card stock, engraving, formal font, and my favorite “honour,” with my name right next to my prince’s name. My dream invitation was a reality.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that I’ve framed our wedding invitation and it sits on my dressing table, even as my prince and I approach our tenth anniversary.

I hear stories regularly from people who are shocked to get wedding invitations from people they do not personally know well or have lost all touch with. For example, the groom is a dentist and decides to send invitations to his clients. Not a good idea.

Please keep in mind that unless you have a close personal relationship or long-term business relationship, do not send an invitation. Not only is poor wedding etiquette, but it also appears as a ploy to get more gifts.

What I’m saying is a wedding isn’t a good place to network with potential clients or business partners. The invitation is not a way to broadcast news. Guests often feel obligated to send gifts or acknowledge the invitation and it puts them in an awkward position. In fact, tomorrow I’ll cover the other side of this dilemma: what to do when you get a wedding invitation from someone you barely know.

Just remember to send invitations to those you are currently close to.

I ran across this question today about wedding etiquette when it comes to gift giving. At times I’ve cringed a little when I’ve seen some practices that have become accepted (but not acceptable).

When it comes to gifts, the bride or groom should show tact and never mention what they want or where they are registered in the wedding invitation. It seems like soliciting.

Instead of this practice it’s better to use a wedding web site. You can print the URL and your guests can go to the site for more details about your courtship and marriage plans. And where you’re registered. Even that could be taken too far though - with links to specific products. Ideally you have registered online with the store, where guests can log on to see your choices rather than seeing them on your site. This is in better taste.

Another way to spread the word, is to ask someone close to you to help spread the word amongst guests.

Yahoo Answers had the following question about wedding etiquette: What should you write in a wedding card to someone you haven’t seen in almost 10 years?

The woman goes on to explain how she was once very close to the groom and his family. But over time they saw each other less often. Then suddenly she gets a wedding invitation. She feels awkward and wondered what the proper etiquette would be.

Obviously she wants to honor the relationship that was once quite meaningful to her and their families. The answer she chose was a cop-out to me. One that seems too impersonal. Here’s the advice she chose:

“…just buy a wedding card at the store say Congrats and best wishes and sign your name. Trust me, cards are most likely going to be glanced at, money removed if any, and then moved onto the next card.”

That could be worse than not answering. I like the rest of the suggestion better - to write a message about times they shared as children. You could add well-wishes to the family and how much their friendship meant. Then a little about how you want the bride and groom to have a joyous marriage and life together.

Close by saying how you appreciate being included and remembered at such an important time in their lives. A $50 bill tucked inside is a great way to punctuate the statement.