Wedding Invitations

Let’s have a show of hands. I’m sure I’m not the only one who remembers looking at the framed wedding invitation on my mother’s dressing table quite a lot when growing up.  The Little Girl version of me thought it was just beautiful to look at the formal Olde English text and my parents’ names, but my favorite part was the passage on the invitation that read “request the honour of your presence.”  Something about that spelling, “honour,” just struck me.  For years, whenever I’d dream of the day my prince would come, I’d just think about that beautiful wedding invitation on my mother’s dressing table and smile.

Luckily, I didn’t have to spend too many years smiling and waiting for my prince to come. When my husband and I got engaged, and we began the serious and very important business of planning our wedding, I started poring over wedding invitation catalogs almost right away.  I had a picture in my head of precisely the invitation I wanted:  cream card stock, formal font, engraving, and of course that word “honour.”

After a great many wedding invitation websites and catalogs, many consultations of wedding etiquette books, and quite an impressive number of printers’ proofs, the UPS man brought me a box of wedding invitations from the printer.  Opening that box made me very happy–although of course not anywhere near as happy as the wedding day itself!   There they were, at long last: the cream card stock, engraved and formal text, and my favorite “honour,” with my name right next to my prince’s name.  Not only did I manage to hit all the right notes etiquette-wise, but I was able to meet my own high expections.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that I’ve framed our wedding invitation and it sits on my dressing table to this very day, where I look at it and smile each day all over again, even as my prince and I approach our tenth anniversary.

Recently, a friend of mine was shocked when some bridal shower invitations she’d sent out were returned for insufficient postage. “I didn’t know the cost of a stamp had gone up again!” she cried. Don’t let this happen to your important wedding-related mail! It’s an inconvenience and a bit of a no-no in the world of wedding etiquette. You should be aware that a postal rate increase for stamps went into effect earlier this spring.

Some particularly good advice to brides is to make a special trip to the Post Office to weigh an invitation before buying the stamps. Also, brides, don’t forget, you may need to buy double the number of “Love” stamps to mail out your wedding invitations. After all, you will likely need to stamp both the invitation itself in addition to the reply or RSVP cards. While wedding etiquette no longer requires RSVP cards go with all invitations, it sure makes life easier on both the bride and the caterer.

Wedding fashions may come and go, but one trend has stayed the same for almost thirty years now: the “Love” stamp. American brides have been mailing their wedding invitations using “Love” stamps since 1973, which was the first year that the U.S. Postal Service issued them. Back then, the inaugural “Love” stamp was designed by pop artist Robert Indiana and cost eight cents apiece. In the 35 years since that first stamp was issued, “Love” stamp designs have ranged from images of cherubs, flowers, candy hearts, animals, and love letters to abstract designs. My personal favorite? The Hershey’s Kiss stamp issued in 2007. Now that’s yummy.

Did you just get engaged? The odds are good that you’re plenty overwhelmed at the thought of all there is to do to plan your wedding and you might not know where to begin. We thought we’d give a few pointers to get you started, as well as a reminder that it won’t go on forever and all that hard work will result in a beautiful day for you and your future spouse to remember for years to come.

Among the important things to decide early on would be the date of the wedding. You don’t necessarily have to have a firm date and time squared away within 72 hours of that engagement ring going on your finger, that’s definitely not in any wedding etiquette or planning guides, but a general idea of how much time you’ll have to plan this wedding is a handy thing to have, both for you and for your family and other members of your wedding party. Have you always dreamed of a spring wedding? Or perhaps the thought of a Christmas wedding gets your heart racing. These are the kinds of date-setting we’re talking about. From there, you can go on to pick locations for both ceremony and reception, wedding gowns, flowers, and bridesmaid dresses. But without the date, you can’t make very many firm plans.

Do also keep in mind that many wedding-related items must be ordered months in advance, such as the gowns and the wedding invitations. Factor in that wedding etiquette also advises that it’s best to send invitations out anywhere between one to two months before the wedding, and you’ll quickly see that there’s a lot more planning involved than you might have originally thought.

Although my prince and I are about to mark a significant wedding anniversary, I still have strong and vivid memories of waiting for responses from our wedding guests in the weeks leading up to our wedding. Each day, I would rush to see if the mailman had brought any more of those little response cards to me, which would tell us just who we could expect to be seeing in the pews at our wedding ceremony. Each “yes” was a thrill and every “no” was a disappointment, but I was happy to receive each and every envelope in the mail.

Once upon a time, wedding invitations were not sent out with response cards included (and, indeed, some wedding invitations today go out sans response cards). Back then, etiquette frowned upon such enclosures with the invitations, but in those days, wedding guests automatically wrote little notes on their own notepaper to accept the invitation. In today’s very busy and fast-paced world, those little personal notes simply were not getting written, so wedding etiquette evolved and now give the okay to send out response cards with invitations.

Beyond that, etiquette regarding response cards isn’t really terribly strict. You see, there isn’t a “correct” way of response card wording. Instead, there are styles that are more appropriate for a formal wedding, and those best suited to a casual affair. Taking the time to ensure your response card matches the type and tone of not only your wedding but wedding invitation as well is a nice thing to do…and, happily, part of staying in-line with wedding etiquette, as well.

For most brides planning weddings, choosing a wedding invitation to send out to their guests is standard. Yes, some brides send emails or write letters or make phone calls to invite their guests to their wedding ceremonies, but for the most part, the majority of couples stick with mailing tried-and-true wedding invitations out to their guests.

But don’t forget that your wedding invitation isn’t the only invitation that you might need need to select. Bridal showers need invitations, engagement parties need invitations, rehearsal dinners need invitations. Many couples are now putting together a full weekend of events for their guests in addition to the wedding, with such things as casual barbeques the day before for their attendants, or day-after family style brunch as a sort of sendoff for the honeymooners. And those events need invitations, too!

As with any invitation, wedding-related or otherwise, etiquette dictates that the basics of the event be crystal clear for the guests. Time, date, location, and perhaps any dress code or suggestions should absolutely, without fail, be appearing on an invitation. And, of course, it’s best to be absolutely sure to send out invitations well enough in advance of your bridal shower or wedding for your prospective guests to plan accordingly (especially any guests who are coming in from out of town). Even those who like to defy wedding etiquette can’t argue with the wisdom of making it easy for their guests to attend.

Did you know that there’s an upcoming postal rate increase scheduled for stamps? At first glance, brides across the country might not think much of it, and might even wonder why this would be newsworthy or applicable to them and their wedding planning. But when those same brides suddenly realize that the now-traditional “Love” stamps issued by the U.S. Postal Service might not be available to send their wedding invitations out, there could be quite a bit of flustered and worried brides first in line at their local Post Offices tomorrow morning.

American brides have been mailing their wedding invitations using “Love” stamps since 1973, which was the first year that the U.S. Postal Service issued them. Back then, the inaugural “Love” stamp was designed by pop artist Robert Indiana and cost eight cents apiece. In the 35 years since that first stamp was issued, “Love” stamp designs have ranged from images of cherubs, flowers, candy hearts, animals, and love letters to abstract designs. My personal favorite? The Hershey’s Kiss stamp issued in 2007. Yum!

Some good advice to brides is to make a special trip to the Post Office to weigh an invitation before buying the stamps. Also, brides, don’t forget, you may need to buy double the number of “Love” stamps to mail out your wedding invitations. After all, you will likely need to stamp both the invitation itself in addition to the reply or RSVP cards. While modern-day wedding etiquette no longer requires RSVP cards go with all invitations, it sure makes life easier on both the bride and the caterer.

Growing up, I remember looking at the framed wedding invitation on my mother’s dressing table quite a lot as a little girl. The nine-year-old me thought it was just beautiful to look at the formal Olde English text and my parents’ names, but I think my favorite part was the passage on the invitation that read “request the honour of your presence.” Something about that spelling, “honour,” just struck me. From then on, whenever I’d dream of the day my prince would come, I’d think about that beautiful wedding invitation on my mother’s dressing table.

When my prince finally showed up and we got down to the serious and very important business of planning our wedding, I started poring over wedding invitation catalogs almost right away. I had a picture in my head of precisely the invitation I wanted (luckily, my prince did not feel as passionately about invitations and deferred to my choice): cream card stock, formal font, engraving, and of course that word “honour.”

After many wedding invitation websites and catalogs, many consultations of wedding etiquette books, and (I’m not ashamed to say) more than a few printers’ proofs, the box of wedding invitations arrived from the printer. Although of course not anywhere near as happy as the wedding day itself, opening that box made me very happy. There they were, at long last: the cream card stock, engraving, formal font, and my favorite “honour,” with my name right next to my prince’s name. My dream invitation was a reality.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone that I’ve framed our wedding invitation and it sits on my dressing table, even as my prince and I approach our tenth anniversary.

I hear stories regularly from people who are shocked to get wedding invitations from people they do not personally know well or have lost all touch with. For example, the groom is a dentist and decides to send invitations to his clients. Not a good idea.

Please keep in mind that unless you have a close personal relationship or long-term business relationship, do not send an invitation. Not only is poor wedding etiquette, but it also appears as a ploy to get more gifts.

What I’m saying is a wedding isn’t a good place to network with potential clients or business partners. The invitation is not a way to broadcast news. Guests often feel obligated to send gifts or acknowledge the invitation and it puts them in an awkward position. In fact, tomorrow I’ll cover the other side of this dilemma: what to do when you get a wedding invitation from someone you barely know.

Just remember to send invitations to those you are currently close to.

Wedding Etiquette for Jewish weddings encompasses some specific considerations and customs.

Deb from Beautiful Wedding Invitations offers some basic guidelines:

According to Jewish tradition, marriages are made in heaven. Men and women are brought together to marry one another by God himself. Men and women are joined together in marriage so in this tradition, the joining word on Jewish wedding invitations reads “and” instead of “to.”

Jewish custom also celebrates the joining of the two families, so the names of the groom’s parents always appear on the invitations. The proper way to do this is to have their names appear beneath the groom’s name on a line that reads, “son of Mr. and Mrs. John Perry Solomon.”

Occasionally if the bride and her parents want to honor the groom’s parents even more they can place their names at the top of the invitation beneath the bride’s parent’s names. In this case the bride uses her full name but no title. When this is done, the groom’s title is also omitted for consistency.”

Next, Deb points out that Hebrew lettering is often used on Jewish wedding invitations. They might include a quotation from the wedding blessing, or the entire invitations text may be reproduced on a part of the invitation. When this is done, the Hebrew version appears on the right inside page and the English on the front.

(Art from MazelTov pages)