Wedding Invitations

Considering the increasing number of workplace romances that result in marriage, it’s not surprising that a new topic of conversation is becoming all the more off-limits while at the office:  weddings. 

It’s not just wedding etiquette experts who say this, either…it’s also employers and co-workers, too.  Why would it be that the wedding of an employee or co-worker would be not a good idea to discuss at the office?  To begin with, happy event though it is, it’s unlikely that the wedding is a business-related issue, unless working for a florist, bakery, wedding planner, or other similar wedding industry business.

A couple’s wedding guest list is a major reason why etiquette frowns upon overdiscussing a wedding at the office.  Many couples are not able to afford to invite every single co-worker (and their spouses) to their reception, which is perfectly understandable in some ways, but hurtful to those not invited nonetheless.  Sometimes couples solve this problem by inviting just the boss (and spouse) and their closest workplace friend and spouse.  Etiquette experts say that inviting the boss can be a good idea, because an employee’s relationship with his boss is important, and this could be a good way to strengthen it. However, please do realize that, if you can’t stand being in your boss’ presence, don’t feel obligated to send an invite.

When a co-worker asks about the wedding, it’s generally best to give vague replies, such as, “it’s going very well, thank you.”  If a co-worker is upset about being left out of the wedding, explain that you value their friendship. But because you are having a small wedding you’re restricted.

Recently, a list of top choices for a couple’s first dance at their wedding was released.  The list was put together by wedding DJs, who know a thing or two about wedding music trends.  As a couple’s first dance as newlyweds is an important and symbolic one, it’s no surprise that the list is filled with “classic” songs that will stand the test of time, ones that can be played at a couple’s 50^th anniversary celebration without fear of sounding dated or corny.

When considering wedding etiquette as part of selecting your first dance song at your wedding, it’s really just best to use good judgement.  If you or your groom’s family are traditional or serious, choosing a silly or potentially offensive song for this all-important moment at your wedding could be a serious error in etiquette.  While it’s true that the wedding is yours and is for you and your groom, it’s never a bad idea to take your family and guests’ comfort into consideration (which is really what is at the heart of good wedding etiquette).  

Some couples select a song that is important to them because it was playing when they got engaged, or when they met, or at another important milestone in their relationship.  Other couples enjoy continuing traditions and use a song that was played at their parents’ or grandparents’ weddings.  If you’d like to continue a family tradition in that way but already have your own song as a couple, perhaps you could have the family song played at another important moment at the wedding reception, like the cake-cutting or the father-daughter dance. 

For most brides planning weddings, choosing a wedding invitation to send out to their guests is standard. Yes, some brides send emails or write letters or make phone calls to invite their guests to their wedding ceremonies, but for the most part, the majority of couples stick with mailing tried-and-true wedding invitations out to their guests.

But don’t forget that your wedding invitation isn’t the only invitation that you might need need to select. Bridal showers need invitations, engagement parties need invitations, rehearsal dinners need invitations. Many couples are now putting together a full weekend of events for their guests in addition to the wedding, with such things as casual barbeques the day before for their attendants, or day-after family style brunch as a sort of sendoff for the honeymooners. And those events need invitations, too!

As with any invitation, wedding-related or otherwise, etiquette dictates that the basics of the event be crystal clear for the guests. Time, date, location, and perhaps any dress code or suggestions should absolutely, without fail, be appearing on an invitation. And, of course, it’s best to be absolutely sure to send out invitations well enough in advance of your bridal shower or wedding for your prospective guests to plan accordingly (especially any guests who are coming in from out of town). Even those who like to defy wedding etiquette can’t argue with the wisdom of making it easy for their guests to attend.

If work keeps you too busy or if your mother of in-laws are not a part of your wedding planning process, try to defuse this pre-wedding stress by hiring a wedding consultant to assist you in the planning process. This professional will have contacts in virtually every area related to weddings, from music to catering and even emotional counseling.

It is worth it to spend the money on a coordinator, especially if you are getting married at your home of in a remote location that requires more extensive ceremony and reception preparation.

Most hotels have an on-site coordinator who can assist you. The coordinator’s services may already be included in the hotel’s wedding package.

If you hire a coordinator, be sure that you click with him or her. Your wedding day will be stressful (as is the planning process), so you want to be sure you can get along well.

There are many opinions when it comes to tipping for services at a wedding. Most services are tipped between 15-20%. Sometimes the tip is added into the service.

Here is a brief summary about wedding etiquette and tipping:

• When you rent a place for your wedding or reception make sure to ask about gratuties. They are usually included in the bill.
• Most caterers will also add grautity into your bill - normally between 18-20%
• Tip 15% for the bar, the waitress or waiter at your table, your DJ or band and even the limo driver.
• The person who performs the ceremony will usually have a suggested dollar amount, between $50-75 usually. If they have traveled, additional is customary.
• No need to tip the florist or photographer, unless they have been especially helpful or provided exceptional service.

Tipping is probably the last thing you are thinking about on the day of the wedding. So I’ve heard it suggested that you designated someone close to you to handle this. Tell them what you expect to pay and you can focus on the cermony and the marriage itself.

Contact local papers, church-affiliated bulletins, college alumni magazines or newsletters, and even your fraternity/sorority organization magazine to share your happy news. Often they publish weekly or monthly announcements of engagements and weddings.

Some magazines or papers will print only wedding announcements, not engagement news. Keep a list of these so you can send them a wedding photo and news after the fact.

Check to see if your newspaper will print a picture of you and your fiancé. This will be a super souvenir for your scrapbook.

When composing your wedding invitations, the day of the week as well as the date are to be written out in
full. No abbreviations or numerals are to be used. The day of the week
comes first, followed by the date of the month and the month itself,
(for example: Saturday, the tenth of October). The word “on” is not
necessary and often makes the line too long. You can include the time
of day if you like (i.e.: Saturday evening) although it is not
necessary. By the way, afternoon begins at twelve noon and evening
begins at six o’clock.

Invitations for weddings that are going to be held at eight, nine
or ten o’clock should probably designate morning or evening and this is
why. Many Roman Catholic Weddings are held at those times in the
mornings because most Nuptial Masses are held before noon, while some
Jewish weddings are held at those times after sundown. The time of day then can be noted on the time line instead of
the date line.